


Sin In My Heart

by VampyrePrince



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: 18-year-old Lucien, Angst and Porn, F/M, Father/Son Incest, Gay Sex, Incest Play, M/M, Oral Sex, Taboo, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 03:55:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11843478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampyrePrince/pseuds/VampyrePrince
Summary: A gathering bunch of shorts that go together about Lucien and Damien, and Lucien's developing fixation with a person he shouldn't have feelings for. Meanwhile, he is working on his relationship with Amanda, who he cares for too much to allow her to see what he is becoming. Maybe when Joseph had mentioned the number 666 having ramifications, he was all too right. There wasn't a bit of anything pure in Lucien anymore.





	1. I Think I Just Might

**Author's Note:**

> **I welcome all new comments!**  
> This is a rewrite to better reflect Damien being a transman. I wasn't aware at first because the game did not make it clear and I didn't get any of the trans dialogue despite playing as a transman (I am a transman myself). I have fixed things though, and while these are still the same chapters and the same story, it should be more accurate! I have removed the numerous comments telling me that Damien was trans (I know this :P) and am hoping to give you guys a fresh perspective. I also have to note that I am writing this based on my own experiences and insecurities as a transman, and Damien's reactions are similar to my own for reference.  
> If you want to see more accurate and live updates of what stories I'm working on at the moment to see what is active and what isn't, feel free to follow my Facebook page or my Twitter, as I will start posting my current WIP statuses there!  
> Facebook: http://facebook.com/VampyrexPrince  
> Twitter: http://twitter.com/shanelestan

There was one place that Lucien never ventured in their home. Or rather, outside it. The mysterious set of steps that came just off the front garden always drew his curiosity, but Damien had asked him several times to stay away from it. Damien happened to be at work late that evening, however, and Lucien was feeling more than rebellious in his late teenage phase. Granted, he was eighteen now and definitely an adult, but he seemed to mature much slower than everyone else. Even his girlfriend, Amanda, was much more advanced than him and they were the same age.

His mood turned sour and he made his way down the stone stairs into a large room beneath the large garden. His eyes grew wide as he gazed upon a Gothic vampire’s dream. At the back of the room was a tall, ornate chair that was as red and black as the rest of the decor. It was situated like a throne in front of a formation of round lights that formed a red and glowing cross, and directly to its right was a large red fainting sofa. A coffee table with a built-in fireplace was unlit, which Lucien fixed quickly as he tugged the black lighter from his Tripp pants. The clear stones lit into a red flame to further cast the room into dark mystery. Lucien had to admit he should have expected such a thing, but his dad was all too predictable with his interests. Damien may not have liked horror movies in particular, but he did have a fascination with the romantic aspect of vampires. Lucien turned to take in the other side of the room.

Oh god. A coffin.

He freaked out for only a second before he felt silly. Of course, his father wasn’t actually a vampire. He definitely would have known by now. It was, no doubt, just there for decoration or even one of Damien’s weird fantasies. Speaking of the man, Lucien heard his car pull in upstairs. He remained still, hoping that Damien wouldn’t want to come downstairs to relax after changing. A few minutes passed before Lucien finally remembered to breathe, but his heart was in his throat the moment he heard the grass shuffling close to the steps. He did the first thing that popped into his mind - the coffin lid was quietly closed over top of him and he waited in the small expanse of darkness. 

His breathing was shallow as he tried to contain the sounds of his telltale heart, his father surely knowing that someone had been down there. He was going to be in so much trouble if he was ever found out, which he could already hear Damien speculating on from within the coffin. He could hear everything surprisingly well despite the ornate design and the comfortable silk he was lying on. At least he had somewhere comfortable to lie while his father mosied around out there. Hopefully the man would go back upstairs soon before Lucien began to sweat too much. It was getting warm.

The footsteps moved to where the chair sat at the back of the room and then grew silent. Everything had become eerily still as Lucien lied there waiting for a chance to be able to leave the hot coffin. It was then that he heard a zipper in the silence and he felt his face grow warm. Was his father just changing clothes down there? Probably. He swallowed hard as the heat began to overwhelm him. The space he was in was entirely too small and his own breathing was beginning to heat up the coffin even more. Just a few more minutes. He could stand it that much longer. It was worth getting away with his father’s secret.

A muffled sigh was heard from the direction of the chair, a small moan following that had Lucien doing his best to not to cringe audibly. Did his father bring someone home? No, he couldn’t have. There was only one set of footsteps and no other voices but the pleasurable one coming from across the room. ‘ _Is he… doing what I think he’s doing?_ ’ Lucien covered his mouth with his hand as he tried not to break into laughter. His dad was one of the least sexual creatures he knew, so to even imagine he would do such a thing was just comical. If only he had known that Lucien was just feet away, hearing everything.

A few more minutes passed and Lucien had begun to grow impatient, but he also noticed that Damien’s breathing was becoming louder. Intrusive thoughts of what was happening invaded Lucien’s mind and he tried to will them away, the disgust he awaited from them causing him to set his hands on the lid to push it open and get out of there. 

Except, the disgust didn’t come. He felt the sweat forming on his brow as he ran his hand across it, his cheeks growing hot as he listened to the pleasurable sounds that were too close for comfort. He felt his own body reacting and pressed his hand against his erection in an attempt to stop it from becoming a bigger problem. This did the opposite as he felt a rush light up his insides and his pants grew tighter at his touch. ‘ _Fuck._ ’ He bit his lip and kneaded his hand into the growing bulge in his pants as he became painfully aware of the awkward situation he was in. Anyone would have been disturbed by what was happening, but he hadn’t been. It was turning him on in the worst way and he couldn’t figure out why. All he knew in that moment was that he was fucked up in the worst way and he wanted to do something about it. 

A sudden urge hit him to open the lid. He wanted to see Damien touching himself so he could confirm his disturbing feelings. Maybe the very sight alone would repulse him and he would take the reprimand over having to deal with something that he wasn’t sure he was ready to deal with. He pushed on the heavy metal lid on impulse, not bothering to give himself time to think. He heard a mumbled curse as he sat up and turned to look behind him, coming eye to eye with his father doing exactly what he’d suspected. They both froze and the room grew silent again.

Lucien’s eyes drifted to Damien’s lap out of curiosity to find that his father’s pants were unbuttoned and gripping tight around his thighs as they were slid low to gain access, his purple Victorian vest too snug to slide up for comfort. Time ticked by once more as Lucien took a deep breath. Words didn’t even register in his mind as he realized that the very sight didn’t disgust him. He had always found Damien to be beautiful - ridiculously so for a man in his early forties. It seemed, however, that the sentiment was much more than he’d ever expected it to be.

“Lucien, go upstairs. Please.” Damien’s attempt to keep his composure as he usually did with his son was wavering. This amused the young adult and he slid out of the coffin, dropping the lid with a loud ‘thud’. He crossed his arms and stood before Damien in a defiant gesture. He knew his father wouldn’t become outwardly angry or loud with him. The man never did. It did make him respect his father more for it, but he felt particularly mischievous in that moment and almost wanted to hear the man become angry for once.

“And if I don’t?” He watched as Damien pulled up his pants to cover himself. Lucien noticed that he was still hard regardless. A glance down at his pants told that much.

“I told you not to come down here. Why did you disobey me?” Damien was clearly embarrassed, his head in his hand as he leaned to one side of the chair. He knew that Lucien was aware of how he truly was, but it was another thing entirely for him to have seen. 

“I got curious. I wanted to see what was so amazing about your private little room.” Lucien finally broke into chuckles and covered his mouth, leaning over to grab his stomach with his other arm. It was all too comical. All of it was ridiculous and disgusting, but he didn’t even care anymore. All he could do was laugh at what he had seen and even discovered about himself. And to think that his girlfriend was probably on the other side of the cul-de-sac texting him at this moment like she tended to do around evening. Man, this was too rich.

“Now you’ve seen. Perhaps it would be a good time to go upstairs and forget this all happened. I’ll agree to forgive and forget if you do as well, Lucien.” Damien’s eyes lowered as he tried to contain his anger at his son’s laughter. It was then that he noticed something else and his cheeks turned red. Was Lucien actually hard?

“Why forget something so priceless? Besides, this place is wicked, dad.” Lucien straightened out again and smiled. He became eerily calm in the moment and found his feet moving without his permission. Damien shrunk back against the chair as his son approached him slowly, his back sinking into the cushion of the chair as Lucien placed both hands on the arms and leaned into him. “Everyone gets off sometimes.”

“Lucien, please. Go upstairs.” Damien closed his eyes and turned to gain some distance. His son was much too close for his liking and he was more than uncomfortable. He just wanted to button his pants and leave all of this behind. He wasn’t even sure he would be able to relax down there anymore with this awkward moment popping into his mind. His irritation grew, but he kept it capped.

“I heard everything,” Lucien nodded toward the coffin, “while I was in there. Interesting kink, by the way.”

“It’s not a ‘kink’. It’s a decorative piece.”

“My ass.” Damien’s eyes shot open and he bore into his son’s gaze. He was being more defiant toward him than usual and speaking so casually.

“Language, Lucien.”

“I’m eighteen, dad. I think I at least earned the right to say ass.” A sly smile crossed his features.

“What are you trying to do?” Damien sunk back into the chair. He was trapped where he was and he was uncomfortable. He had finally lost his fire, but he was still left on the edge of wanting. The timing couldn’t have been worse.

“I’m trying to get you to admit that you were touching yourself because something about this place turns you on.” Lucien felt the fire surge and his cock twitched. “And I was lying right over there the whole time.” His voice had dropped as arousal claimed him. “How does it feel to know your son heard you playing with yourself?”

“Stop it! This is wrong, Lucien.” Damien placed his hands on his son’s shoulders and pushed him back. “We’ll talk about this later. Now, upstairs. Please. I don’t want to have to ask you again.”

“I like it down here.” Lucien’s eyes dropped to see that Damien was still partially uncovered. With another rush of bravery, he slid his hand down between a pair of silk-clad legs. “Here.”

“Why are you doing this?” Despite Damien’s protests, he felt himself growing wet again. He blamed it on the fact that he had been on edge before Lucien had revealed his hiding spot.

“Because I think you want me to.” Lucien looked into his father’s eyes with uncertainty only to see them turn away. Hands were still resting on his shoulders but no longer pushing. He realized then that Damien had completely stopped trying to push him away and he hadn’t made a move to stop Lucien’s advances. Lucien was still confused at his father’s message, but he chanced his fingers down between the unbuttoned material out of curiosity, feeling the wetness on his fingers.

It was over as quickly as it had started. It seemed that it had gone far enough the moment skin touched skin and Damien was shoving his son off of him. Lucien stumbled back and watched as his father ascended the steps, his expression unclear. His mouth curved into a hopeless smile and he huffed a resigned laugh in the once again silent basement room. What was his father supposed to even say? Lucien had a girlfriend and he was straight - as normal as you could get for a teenager that was obsessed with emo and Gothic culture, anyway. Yet there he was coming onto his own father and getting turned on by it all the same. 

Lucien dropped back into the tall chair where Damien had been sitting just seconds ago. His hand drifted down to the bulge in his pants that had begun to throb by then and his thoughts wandered. He was sick. Absolutely disgusting in the worst way and he could never admit it to anyone, let alone himself.

But why did he love the way it felt so much?


	2. After The Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few drinks too many tend to leave one without their senses.

Lucien shuffled in behind his father who was clearly much too drunk to make sense out of anything. They had attended the wedding of their newest neighbor and Joseph, which caught pretty much everyone by surprise. Mary had been a well known promiscuous drunk, but everyone had always thought Joseph and her would work things out in the end, the youth pastor having an image to uphold. Apparently that wasn’t in the cards. What was even stranger was that Mary had actually attended the wedding with their youngest Crish, the other three having gone to a relative’s for the day. She had drank the entire time and bothered the bar for much longer than she should have, but it made things more bearable for her from where Lucien could see. Well, until he had passed out on the couch from being up all night the night before. He’d talked Amanda into phone sex and they had been up late into the early morning messing around.

Damien dropped onto the sofa and closed his eyes. His long coat was still on and buttoned and one of his shoes that was still on his foot dug into the cushion of the sofa as he lifted his leg to get comfortable. Bringing a hand up to rest beside his face, he looked rather peaceful where he rested. His naturally pale cheeks were red from the liquor and his hair was flawless despite all else. Lucien found himself staring and he looked away.

It had been the first time he’d looked at Damien in that way since what had happened a few weeks ago. The two had said nothing afterward and no one brought it back up since. The thoughts had plagued Lucien as they obviously would have, but he ignored them the best he could and directed his sexual energy towards Amanda, who had finally accepted his advances when it came to physical affection. Well, making out, anyway. He did find that he was distracted by thoughts of Damien throughout their phone call last night though, and that bothered him.

Without realizing it, he had drifted over to the Victorian couch where his father lied asleep. He proceeded to unbutton the man’s coat and removed his shoes to make him more comfortable, but stopped as he watched the coat fall open. Damien’s vest was very snug as was the white shirt beneath it. It was one of those Victorian ‘poofy’ shirts that Lucien would never admit he liked, but at the back of his mind he always admired how his father looked in them. But there he was thinking things he shouldn’t have again, and they were much too close.

Lucien shifted to sit beside his father on the sofa, adjusting his pants as he felt himself growing hard. This was a dangerous situation and he knew it, but he couldn’t stop himself. His face was inching closer to the sleeping one below him and he could smell the liquor on Damien’s breath. He licked his own dry lips as he hesitated, hovering just above the mouth that was too much like his own. Damien still hadn’t so much as stirred in his sleep, so surely he wouldn’t notice a small kiss? Justifying it in that round about way, Lucien took the plunge. He pressed his lips lightly against his father’s, a sigh escaping as he felt them twitch against his own. He pulled back and watched for any reaction, noting that Damien had barely started to awaken. He smiled.

“I apologize for drinking so much, Lucien.”

“I don’t care, I’m just jealous you got to get loaded.” Lucien slapped on a fake, rebellious smile. He realized he was still hovering much too close for comfort, but Damien hadn’t thought anything of it. He must not have noticed the kiss - as light as it was.

“In time, son. Perhaps I will let you partake of my best wine the next time we dine.” 

“Seriously?” Lucien chuckled. His father always become much more poetic and Shakespearian with his words when he was inebriated. More so than usual, anyway.

“Absolutely. You are a grown man now and you deserve to be treated as such.” Damien rustled Lucien’s silver hair before closing his eyes once more. A blush crept up into Lucien’s face at the remark and he felt his cock twitch. To be treated like a grown man would mean something that Lucien knew Damien would refuse him. They hadn’t even had ‘the talk’ and Lucien was sure Damien probably never would. It was part of the reason he’d always viewed his father as a non-sexual being among other things that Damien was very insecure about, such as his physical body. But he was beginning to see the opposite. Or maybe he was wanting to see something more in his own screwed up way. He wanted to dirty him in the worst way possible.

“Then treat me like a man, father.” Lucien whispered the words over Damien's lips as he pressed them together again, this time not pulling back to escape the strange feeling that was growing in his chest. He moaned as he felt a sigh against his mouth and nibbled on Damien’s lower lip in an attempt to coax them open. He was met with a gentle nudge and lifted his head to pull back and look into his father’s eyes. The man was wearing his red contacts again and they made him look hauntingly beautiful in the worst way possible. 

“Lucien, why do you insist on doing such things? You know it isn’t right.”

“I just feel like I need to and I don’t know why.” Lucien felt an emotion he couldn’t describe rising into his chest and it hurt. A lump formed in his throat and he felt like crying, but no tears came. It was an upset that claimed all but one part of him that was still throbbing between his legs as it tempted him to do the unthinkable. “I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Perhaps it is time that I schedule you another appointment with your counselor? It would be best to discuss and work through these feelings with a licensed professional who can help you overcome them.”

“I don’t want to! Why can’t I just have them?!” Lucien felt his upset becoming more insistent and he wasn’t sure why he was so emotional. His chest had become heavy and he was feeling desperation gnawing at him. ‘ _Am I having an anxiety attack?_ ’ He felt fear grip at his heart and he was sick to his stomach as soon as the realization hit him. A feeling of dread hung in the air over his head as he searched for anything to say that would bring comfort. It must have been obvious to Damien, as he had finally awakened fully and sat up to embrace Lucien in his arms. 

“There is something troubling you that is beyond my assistance, I’m afraid. Please try to calm yourself, Lucien. I’m sorry. I can be here for you, but not in the way that you require of me.”

“Shut up. Just shut up!” Lucien pushed Damien away as tears threatened to spill over. Once more, nothing came. “Just shut up and pretend, okay? Just tell me it’s going to be okay and that everything is fine, and let me have my sick fetish.”

“You’re still very much behind, aren’t you?” Damien smiled and smoothed his son’s hair from his flushed face. “Perhaps my doting on you as a child has caused you to be stunted in your maturation.”

“Don’t coddle me. I’m not a fucking kid.”

“Lucien…”

“I’m not. I realize I’m behind everyone else and that I’m not as mature as others my age. Even Amanda is a lot smarter than me.” Amanda. He still had feelings for her even then and admired her and how far she had come. Why she wanted anything to do with a guy who acted much younger than he was puzzled him. 

“Amanda is a wonderful girl. You mustn’t forget your feelings for her and what you two have together.”

“It doesn’t make whatever this is go away.” Lucien looked into Damien’s eyes, dejected. “Why do I want you like this? I wish I’d never gone downstairs.” 

“If you want any comfort, I’m not angry with you. I realize there are certain things we can’t control. Perhaps you are just confusing familial love with something more?”

“That’s a stupid thing to say. Does familial love involve a son wanting to watch his dad touch himself? What about wanting to kiss?”

“Well, that is rather strange…” Damien backed away uncomfortably and leaned back against the arm of the sofa. “I’m sure you can overcome these feelings in time. Whatever I may do in my power to help you get over them, I will do.”

“No, you won’t. You can’t.”

“Tell me, Lucien. What would make this easier?”

Lucien grew silent and hung his head, disgusted with himself and his father at the same time. He felt like Damien was tempting him although he wasn’t, and he felt his erection strain against his dress pants as he read Damien’s actions as a terrible tease. Much to his father’s discomfort, he crawled over top of the older man and brushed their lips together. “Just let me kiss you. Can I have that? Families kiss all the time.”

“Not like you want to.” Damien lost any and all proper ways of speaking the moment he felt his son’s breath on his lips. It bothered him and that much was apparent, but he was still drunk and his mind was fuzzy. He didn’t desire Lucien in the way he was desired, but he supposed a kiss wouldn't hurt anything. He would stop things before they got carried away and he wouldn’t think anything of it. It was for Lucien’s sake, and it was innocent enough. 

Lucien took their moment of silence as an affirmation and pressed his lips to his father’s, sighing against a pair that were much softer than he’d imagined. He pressed harder, slipping his tongue out to slide along Damien’s lower lip as he silently begged for them to allow him access. He wanted to be able to taste the liquor on Damien’s tongue and have the kiss mean something, or at least pretend to mean something. He was pleasantly surprised when he was granted his wish.

Like a sloppy teenager, Lucien was kissing Damien as hard as he could. His breathing was coming shorter and he felt his cock leaking into his pants as he explored his father’s mouth. It was so beautifully wrong that he craved it that much more and ignored all signs from Damien to stop. He set a hand on the side of his father’s face as he straddled the older man, kissing him hungrily like he’d never tasted anything so delicious. His hips were rocking into the ones below him on impulse and he felt a fire tickling his thighs and then creeping into his stomach. He found a pleasant friction against the waist below him and a moan escaped him as he felt Damien rock his hips against him.

Lucien must have sounded like an over sensitive virgin, which he very much was, with the way he was whining against Damien’s mouth, their lips becoming hot and puffy as they fell deeper into the hell they’d discovered. Damien had tried to stop them of course, but his own body wasn’t recognizing that the one against his own was off limits in every way possible. All he could feel was a hard cock grinding against his heat, and he was begging for the release he often went too long without. A breathy moan escaped him and Lucien was reeling from it.

The teenager finally pulled away and looked into his father’s eyes as his hips continued to grind. His face was twisted in pleasure as he tried to contain the volume of his voice but failed miserably. He knew his eyeliner had to be smeared by that point and he probably looked every bit of the mess he felt, but he loved every second of it. He reveled in the fact that Damien was watching him as he looked that way and as he crept closer and closer to the forbidden conclusion. He looked down to see that a dark wet spot had formed on his dress pants where he was already leaking, and his father’s hips were still in a torturous rhythm with his own. It was all he needed to come spilling over the edge, his hips jerking as he clenched his teeth to ride out the most explosive orgasm he’d probably experienced in a long time. His underwear became slick as his cock slid along the mess that had formed, causing an extra bit of sensitivity to send him into a series of wanton moans that would have embarrassed him were he more aware. “ _Daddy, yes!_ ”

“Lucien.” Damien attempted to bring him down by speaking softly and placing his hands on his son’s hips, stilling them from their bucking fit. “Lucien, calm down.”

“F-fuck.” The teenager took one last deep breath before he slouched over to regain his composure. Damien was still clearly aroused and he suddenly felt selfish. He could only imagine the world of confusion his father’s body was in at that moment and he didn’t even know what to do or say. The fact that Damien had even gotten turned on at all for him spoke volumes and he was happier than he had been in a while. “You wanna come too?”

The way Lucien had muttered the question in his post orgasmic glow caused Damien to chuckle. His son was too damned adorable sometimes and still very much a child inside. Although Lucien had the body of a grown adult man, he wasn’t anywhere near fitting into it yet. “I hadn’t intended for it go this far. You will be better off with a shower, I imagine.”

“But you’re still wet, aren’t you?” Lucien gave Damien a sly, tired grin and slipped his hand between his father’s legs. “I really want to see you come.”

“Lucien, please.” Damien tensed as a jolt of pleasure made him twitch. He had been close but had held himself back to the best of his ability, not wanting Lucien to be the reason for his orgasm. Regardless, he found it hard to resist the fingers that were teasing him through his dress pants as they pressed and circled around the over sensitive bundle of nerves. He felt the familiar rush creeping up on him once more as he had earlier in their unintended play, and he was gripping the back of the couch as he tried to stave it off. The little devil had started to twist his thumb in all the right ways though, and he was soon reeling over the edge as his hips jerked with the pulses of his orgasm. He bit his finger to quiet his moans and kept his eyes locked on Lucien, who was breathing heavily once more and completely fascinated with the way the hips below him were twitching. 

Lucien’s eyes drifted up to meet Damien’s gaze and he gave his best pouty face to add insult to injury. “Come for me, daddy.”

“ _Fuck._ ” Damien’s eyes rolled back as he rocking into a last jolt of pleasure. He was certain he would absolutely regret what he had allowed himself to do, but there was another part of him that was satisfied in a way that he hadn’t felt for some time. He hadn’t had sex with another person in years due to his insecurities about his body and how others would perceive him once they saw that he wasn’t an atypical man, but he was also painfully aware that he had just lost it over his son being a terrible, naughty tease.

“Say that again.” Lucien’s smile was wide and he was fully awake as he looked down at his father who had slid further down the sofa. 

“Say what again?”

“Fuck.” Lucien bit his lip seductively. “I’ve never heard you curse like that.”

“No, Lucien. This shouldn’t have happened.” Damien was completely sober then and more than embarrassed with himself. He slid out from under his son and made his way quickly to the other end of the hallway across from them to enter the bathroom. 

Lucien curled up on the sofa with that same victorious smile on his face. That was as close to sex that he had ever gotten in his life. Even Amanda wouldn’t touch him or let him do anything like that to her. It figured that it was his father who he had been most intimate with so far in his life, but there was something about it that made his heart sing. It was unbelievably fun and a special kind of secret that made him feel more alive than he had for some time.


	3. Sin In My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Amanda/Lucien chapter. Secrets never make for a good relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (WARNING: Mentions of cutting for pleasure and scarification) It was hard to write a chapter like this about Amanda because I can't help but see her as something innocent. I just love her so much, so it was definitely a challenge to stay true to what young adults do and remembering my own years as a young adult/teenager. It's probably because the game left me with fatherly feelings for her that I can't shake. She is my innocent baby girl, damn it!

Something had been off about Lucien all day. Amanda had noticed it the moment he walked into the room. When he would come to visit, which he insisted often anymore that he go to _her_ house and she not come to his, he would greet her with his hands around her waist and a soft kiss on her neck. That day he had merely greeted her with a smile and a soft peck on the cheek before entering her house and making his way to her dimly lit bedroom. It was his usual route whenever he wanted to spend time with her. At least that much was normal.

“Hey, what’s wrong? You don’t seem like yourself lately.” Amanda fell onto her bed beside her boyfriend who had leaned back onto his hands to admire her ongoing art project. It was a photo collage that was slowly covering most of her wall. There were a few pictures of him in it, his father, the others around the neighborhood, Amanda’s dad, and now Joseph out of necessity, he imagined. Amanda didn’t hate the guy, but there was something about him that didn’t sit easy with her all the same. Regardless, she recognized him as family and showed him the respect he deserved. He treated her and her dad well, anyway.

After a moment of silence he glanced at her. She was getting annoyed at his lack of response, so he cracked a genuine smile. “It’s too quiet. Turn on some tunes?”

“Okay…” She quirked an eyebrow and moved to turn on the soft, dark indie music he’d recently introduced her to. As much as he enjoyed popular emo bands from the early 2000s, he’d also developed a love for old school batcave and Gothic music because of his father. Who, speaking of, was on his mind consistently anymore. Too much silence gave him too much time to think. “Siouxsie and the Banshees this time?”

“Sounds awesome.” Lucien held out a hand as a sly grin crossed his features. Amanda couldn’t help but return the smile and took his hand to let him pull her into his lap. “Nothing’s wrong, babe.”

“Really? We’re back to that crap again?” Amanda chuckled as he brought her close and nuzzled her neck. “I told you that was lame.”

“But I like it.” He nibbled at her throat and gained a small sigh from her before she pushed him away. 

“Hey, that’s not all I want to do when you come over, you know.”

“We _could_ do more than that, but you won’t let me.” Lucien pouted as she playfully flicked his nose.

“I’m just not ready for that yet, okay?” A sad look crossed her features and she looked off to the side to keep from showing Lucien her true emotions. He knew why she acted that way and he couldn’t blame her for it. If his friends and major crush had abandoned him like they had her, only to mess with her feelings and hurt her, he’d have trust issues too. It had been hell to convince her to let him in and she had finally started to trust him. The fact that she was even this close and allowing him to kiss her in such a way was a big improvement. It just seemed that sex or any kind of intimate touching was too far. Lucien groaned internally. She was beginning to trust him and she had no idea who he really was. He wasn’t even sure he knew as much about himself as he claimed to. If only his father hadn’t been… But he cared about her. He truly did. He also knew that wouldn’t be enough to keep her from thinking him a disgusting creature if the truth ever came out.

“You have to trust me some time. It’s killer just watching you move and knowing I can’t be a part of that.”

“As romantic and poetic as you are, no.” She smiled and slid off his lap. Lucien fell back onto the bed to try to will away the erection that made him regret wearing his torn black skinny jeans. Amanda giggled as she noticed. “Do you ever have an off switch, dude?”

“Honestly? I don’t think so.” He threw his hand over his head as his mood started to turn dark. He didn’t deal well with sexual frustration, but he would never take it out on Amanda. He played a tough guy and he genuinely was a bad tempered teenager who got into his fair share of trouble, but he wasn’t a complete asshole. He then remembered the box of cigarettes in his pocket as he rolled over and felt the stab in his side. “Hey, you want one of these?” He pulled out the box of Newports and his black lighter. Amanda wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“You really shouldn’t be doing that. It makes you smell like a moldy old couch.”

“They’re menthol.”

“Okay, a moldy old couch with a hint of spearmint.” She gasped when he started to light up. “My dad’ll kick my ass if he smells that in here!”

“Tell him it’s mine.” 

“Look, let’s just go outside, okay?” Amanda sighed in frustration and led Lucien out into the living room, which was thankfully empty. Joseph and her father were probably in their bedroom banging like rabbits as they usually did. She was definitely glad that they were so… _enthusiastic_ about their relationship together, but she could have done without the many nights of realizing what her dad would sound like if he was tortured. She was brought away from the unpleasant memory by the blinding rays of the slowly sinking sun out on their front porch. 

“Your dads not home?”

“My _dad_ is home and so is Joseph. They’re probably in the bedroom.” She leaned against the siding of the house as she cringed. “It’s so gross. I wish I didn’t have to hear it.”

“It’s what people do, babe.” Lucien lit his cigarette and inhaled deeply, closing his eyes as the small high reached his brain. “Your dad’s only human like everyone else.”

“Yeah, but he’s my dad. That’s not something a kid wants to know about.”

“Doesn’t bother me.” Lucien’s eyes grew wide as the words slipped out and he hurried to cover himself. “I mean, you know, I could care less what my dad does. Human nature and all that shit.” His cheeks turned red as anxiety crept up on him slowly like some kind of monster in the night. Thankfully, Amanda hadn’t thought anything of it.

“You’re a dude. It’s different.”

“Yeah, probably is.” He held the cigarette out to her once more, smiling widely. “It helps ease stress.”

“Fucking hell, fine. Just once.” She held the thing to her lips and inhaled slowly before grimacing and handing it back. She exhaled through her nose and coughed. “That tastes like death, which is pretty close to the truth.”

“Beautiful release.” He closed his eyes as another hit made him grow drowsy and lightheaded. When Amanda didn’t respond, he glanced over at her to see a sad look on her face. He instantly felt horrible and brought her close in a hug. “I didn’t mean it that way, Amanda. I’m not like that and you know it.”

“I know, just… I’ve noticed your arms.”

“That?” Lucien huffed a laugh. “I don’t do that because I want to die. It just feels good.” He wasn’t lying. He had a small obsession with scarification and the sight of blood. A death wish was the last thing on his mind if at all regardless of his interests and the way he looked. Everyone always assumed the worst when they saw something like that though, which was reasonable considering that no sane person should enjoy anything that painful. Lucien had given up his sanity long ago and reveled in its absence. Being normal was boring.

“You’re weird.” She pulled back and stared at him disbelief. “Why would anyone find that pleasurable?”

“Lots of people do. It’s not for everyone though, and you have to be careful not to let the scars get too deep so they heal. See? Mine are almost gone.” Lucien placed his cigarette between his lips to hold up his arms for Amanda to see. There were one or two scars at most and they were growing faint. It was then that she saw his stick and poke of the ‘666’ on his wrist once more. She shook her head.

“Sometimes I think you try too hard to be edgy, but I care about you anyway.” She punched him in the arm playfully.

“You don’t love me?” He did his best injured-puppy-pout that he was all too good at. Of course, he was only messing with her. While it would be nice to have her affections so strongly, he wasn’t sure he deserved them anymore. He probably never deserved them.

“I like you a lot and I care about you more than you can imagine, you dork.” She hugged him tight and nuzzled his neck. He drew in a sharp breath as he felt her breath on his bare skin.

“Hey, don’t do that. You know what it does.” He turned his head so smoke didn’t blow in Amanda’s face, which she very much appreciated. Second-hand cancer wasn’t on her bucket list.

“Alright.”

“Alright, what?”

“Come on. Put that thing out and promise me you’ll try to quit, and I’ll give you a little reward.” 

“Oh yeah? What reward would that be?” He took one last puff before putting the cigarette out and tossing it across the yard. 

“Hopefully not accidental arson, for one.” He chuckled at her words and brought her in for a deep kiss. To his surprise, she didn’t push him away and responded eagerly, which was enough to understand what the reward possibly was. When he surfaced for breath, he brushed her bangs aside to kiss her forehead. It always made her smile and reassured her when he did and it made him feel horribly cheesy, but good regardless.

“So what’s my reward for being a good boy?” 

“Follow me and find out.” A shy smile graced her lips that he had never seen before and his heart was in his throat. He followed her obediently back into her bedroom and fell onto the bed to watch her. Sisters of Mercy was now drifting through the wireless speakers on Amanda’s dresser that increased in volume as she turned up the audio to block out all outside noise.

Or inside.

Lucien’s heart was hammering in his chest as she sauntered over to him and sat beside him on the bed. She pulled him into a kiss that had him reeling more than the cigarettes he’d smoked. He had a good idea where this was going and he felt his body awakening at the prospect, his hand drifting up to slide along Amanda’s side as it carefully crept up to grab at her chest. She giggled between kisses and stopped him by taking his hand in a vice grip. “No, big boy. Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“What are you leading me up to, here?” There was a whine to his words that he hadn’t meant, but the teasing was almost too much to bear. Despite that, he was patient. 

“I’m not ready to go that far yet, but it’s probably a pain for you.” Her hand left his and gripped his leg, sliding higher nervously until it reached the growing bulge in his tight jeans. No more words were said between them as Lucien looked down to watch her hand squeeze him, his hips rocking forward once as a surge of arousal hit him unexpectedly. His eyes fell shut as she continued her torturous caresses over his jeans and his mind began to wander. 

He remembered that day a few weeks prior after Joseph and Amanda’s dad’s wedding. He had been ridiculously courageous then and ended up in a similar situation, except for it being the other way around after he had already made an embarrassment out of himself. He had questioned rather it was his father’s drunkenness that had allowed it or not, but he had been certain that Damien was sober enough by the time he… he… 

Lucien moaned as he felt his orgasm come crashing over him. He seemed to come down from it just as quickly, which bothered him. He’d always thought that the moment Amanda decided to relent he would feel complete euphoria and release at having someone else touch him like that, but it hadn’t been as amazing as he’d imagined. Well, he’d imagined something alright, and it wasn’t Amanda.

Lucien caught his breath and turned Amanda’s face to bring her into a slow kiss. After a time he pulled back and tried his best to not look bothered by what had happened in his own head. “That felt so fucking good, babe.”

“You don’t last long, do you?” She giggled as he turned red.

“Can you blame me? I’ve been wanting this for a long time.” He kissed her again quickly before pulling his phone out of his pocket. As good as he should have felt after that, he felt anxiety looming over him once again. He felt like he had lied to her in some way and needed to get away before he broke down. “Oh man, I’m sorry. I gotta get going.”

“It’s cool. I figured it was getting late.” She hugged him tightly and giggled as he cringed. “Might need a shower when you get home, minuteman.”

“Hey, stop that.” He returned her humor and kissed her forehead before turning to her bedroom door. “I look forward to returning the favor.” He shot her a sultry gaze before he was out the door and on the sidewalk back home. The uncomfortable feeling in his jeans was too much of a reminder of the mistakes he had made. He knew he was going to end up making many more.


	4. Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An early morning breakfast turns into something else entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been majorly updated ;)

Damien wandered downstairs to see his son sitting at the breakfast bar in his black pajama pants and a baggy band shirt. It was odd for Lucien to be up before him, but they both had been bothered by troubling thoughts lately. He was sure of it when he saw Lucien’s face, the dark bags under his eyes a telltale sign that his son hadn’t been sleeping at all again. “Good morning, Lucien. You’re up early.”

“Tried to make breakfast.”

“Thank you.” Damien smiled and approached the pan on the stove containing a rather well-made tofu and egg whites breakfast. “You’re getting better, Lucien.”

“Amanda and Joseph were teaching me.” Damien’s face fell as he realized that he was neglecting his son yet again in another area of life. He should have been the one to teach Lucien the basics in life and he had, but he was beginning to see that his son would do just fine without him. This hurt him for some reason. Lucien noticed the silence and felt guilty even if he hadn’t said anything wrong. 

“Hey, you do alright, dad.” 

“Alright isn’t good enough, I’m afraid.” Damien took his plate to sit beside his son, who took in the moment of silence that followed to observe his father for longer than he should have. The man had his long black hair in a ponytail and was wearing a pair of glasses, his eyes back to their usual blue color without the contacts. He was wearing his gray cotton pajama bottoms and a white tee rolled up to his arms. Lucien couldn't help but be amused when he saw his father dressed and acting so casually. The man was usually one to put on a show with his Gothic Victorian attire and his poetic way of speaking, as well as the air of being a vampire that he often exuded. Right then, however, he looked nothing more than a normal man with no more to him were it not for his darkly elegant Victorian home surrounding him.

“So yesterday something happened.” Lucien looked down at his plate, the urge rising to tease his father once again.

“Nothing bad, I hope?”

“It was pretty awesome, actually. Amanda finally made a move.”

“Oh. I hope you were careful.”

“She just wanted to get me off.” Lucien chuckled. “Nothing else happened.”

“That’s… good, I suppose.” Damien was growing uncomfortable as they approached a subject he wasn’t very good with. Especially not with his son who seemed to want to sexually harass him until he was batshit insane.

“Isn’t this normally when I’d get the sex talk?” Lucien leaned over the counter as he watched his father’s reactions. The man was becoming quite red. “We’ve never done that, you know.”

“You learned all of that in school, I’m sure.”

“I want to learn it from you, dad.” Lucien mocked surprise. “Oh, wait. I already have… kind of.” 

“Please don’t bring that up. It was a mistake. I wasn’t in my right mind and it won’t happen again.”

“But you came. That means something.” Lucien slid off of his bar stool and stood behind his father. He ran his hands along the man’s shoulders where he had grown tense. “You were totally turned on.”

“Lucien, stop it!” Damien turned around in his chair to come face to face with his son and finally took in his features. Lucien was in full-on pout mode and he didn’t seem to be wearing any underwear. His morning problem told that much. He knew very well that his pouty faces were the one thing that always got Damien to relent.

“Why’d you let me do it if you hated it?” The teenager approached Damien and straddled him on the stool where he stood, gazing down into his father’s eyes. “You’re as gross as me.”

“I don’t know how to respond.” Damien turned his head to look away. “What would Amanda think?”

“She doesn’t know, and trust me, I’m aware of how messed up it is.” For a moment Lucien felt the pangs of regret and knew that if this continued he would have to break it off with Amanda. It was a shame because of his true feelings for her and the fact that she had finally started to open up so much. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her though, so it was inevitable. He loved the way this felt too damn much and he couldn’t stop.

“You should focus your affections on her, Lucien. She is more appropriate for them than me.”

“So you’re telling me you felt nothing that day? You didn’t feel really damn good when I made you come?”

“Of course it…” Damien glared at his son. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Say you want me to do it again.” Sadness replaced the playful expression on Lucien’s face and he came forward to wrap his arms around his father. As much as it felt like Heaven it was also very much a Hell Lucien would escape if he could. It was intoxicating to know that he had such a dark secret and one so close who could give him what he needed. Oh. That was it. Lucien almost felt cruel for it, but he had to say it. “You’d be the best dad in the world. It would make up for everything.”

“How thoughtless you are.” Damien’s voice dropped as he felt the words hit him exactly as they were intended to. “I am the best father I can be to you at all times. I may have stumbled through most of my parenting due to inexperience and my own personal struggles, but I have always loved you and cared for you with nothing but love, Lucien.”

“I know you love me.” Lucien released his father from the hug and tilted his face upward to look at him. “I just need you to show it like I want you to.”

“I can’t do what you’re asking of me.” 

“Then why don’t you push me away? Fucking ground me or something!” Lucien felt frustration rising. “You never get angry at me! You never yell at me. Do something!” 

“Do you feel that I don’t love you because I am not emotional enough for you?” Damien smiled. “I am calm with you because I love you, Lucien. To become angry and yell would only show that I didn’t care.”

“I just want to see you angry once.” Lucien sunk to the floor and spread Damien’s legs open. “You gonna stop me?”

“Get off the floor and go to your room.” He felt his nerves jittering and he wanted to walk away.

“That was so fake.” Lucien came forward and nibbled on Damien’s thigh, amused at the reaction it gained as his father’s hips twitched. “Have you ever had anyone do this for you?” Lucien brushed aside the hand that attempted to push his head back.

“No, and you’re not going to be the one. If you want to see me angry, this is the way to do it.”

“Awesome.” The younger set his lips against the heat between Damien’s legs, reveling in the complacency it caused in his father. An audible sigh escaped Damien’s throat as Lucien teased with his teeth, grinning as he felt the man’s legs tense beneath his hands. He trailed up until he grasped the hem of the gray pajama pants in his teeth and tugged them down, gaining access to what he truly wanted to consume that morning as Damien lifted his hips. His father’s pants fell to the floor as Lucien leaned in to run his tongue along the lips that had become hot and swollen. 

“Lucien!” The teenager moaned as he heard his name from above. He slipped his tongue into the opening and then back up to the bundle of nerves before reaching down to tug his pajama pants just low enough to release himself. He used the precum that had started to spill over as lubrication as he worked his hand over his cock, humming as he sucked up the gathering wetness and his hand brought him closer and closer to the edge.

Damien’s hand was in Lucien’s hair but not to push him away that time. The fist that formed was pulling at light silver hair in its aggression, Lucien having lifted his mouth to twirl his tongue around the throbbing bundle of nerves. He looked up into his father’s eyes with that same pout he was so damn good at, although it was mostly real this time. The pleasure was like a high he didn’t want to come down from. “Come in my mouth, daddy.”

“Lucien don’t… don’t say such things…” Damien moaned and dared to look down at his son and clenched his jaw to keep from sounding too desperate. Lucien was looking up at him as he dived in to devour Damien once more, his hand working on his cock that was dripping onto the black marble tiles. Their eyes remained locked as they both seemed to come to some sort of conclusion, the relief washing over Lucien’s face as he came hard over the floor. Damien followed soon after and watched as Lucien teased him further into a twitching mess by sucking where he was most sensitive, the sensitivity becoming unbearable enough for Damien to push back on the head that was bringing him to the brink of insanity. Thankfully, Lucien relented and smirked up at his father.

“That’s all I need to get me going today.” He licked his lips and seduced his father through his eyes. It was his first time trying anything like that and knowing it was good enough to get Damien off made him melt completely. He glanced down at the floor where he had made a mess and chuckled. “Don’t worry, I’ll clean up after myself.”

“It would be in your best interest.” Damien leaned back against the counter after he had made himself decent, thankful that he didn’t have to deal with such a mess himself. “I would hope I’ve taught you as well, at least.” 

Lucien felt his chest swell with emotion when his father didn’t leave him like he had last time. He didn’t seem bothered in the slightest, and if he was he was hiding it well. A sweet kind of pain left Lucien choked up as he rose to embrace Damien tightly. Rather Damien was doing it for his sake or because he genuinely enjoyed it, it left Lucien feeling all kinds of things he’d never expected to feel for the man who had raised him his entire life.


	5. Autophobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gargoyles greeted him on either side like watching eyes, almost as if they knew something they couldn’t speak of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 'Skullz' mentioned in this chapter are just an awesome brand of headphones that I figured Lucien would be into. Also, thank you guys for being patient with me and enjoying the story! I've taken into consideration your comments and have brushed up on the continuity :)

Amanda’s phone beeped as she was about to crawl into bed. It was around 11 P.M the last time she’d checked the clock, so there was really only one person it could be. The light was blinding in her dim room as she opened the text message to see her boyfriend’s shorthand that was much sloppier than usual. Worry hit her as she read his words and she threw on a t-shirt with her pajama pants before she crept through the quiet house. As much as she had always wanted a dog, she was thankful for the absence of the inane barking that would have happened due to the squeaking front door. 

Out on the porch was Lucien lounging on the top step. He was wearing his headphones so he hadn’t sensed her presence and he had a half finished cigarette in his hand. Amanda sighed. She should have expected it would be much more difficult than a simple tease to get him to stop. It also meant that he was stressed, however, which bothered her. She sat down beside him and giggled when he turned to wrap his arms around her. “What are you doing here so late?”

“Dad and I had a fight.” Lucien rested his head on Amanda’s shoulder after shrugging off his headphones. The woeful tones of H.I.M were muffled through them. “It was pretty bad.”

“What did you do this time?” She quirked an eyebrow and went to rub his back, but he lifted his head to stare at her. 

“Why does it have to automatically be my fault?” 

“You’re not exactly an angel, you know. And that’s putting it lightly.”

“Well, it wasn’t my fault.” He knew it was as much as he hated to admit it. Damien was just as guilty though for allowing him to continue to act so lewdly in front of him without much of a fight. His dad couldn’t have been that much of a pushover. 

“Well, what happened? What did you guys fight over?” 

“I don’t know if I can say.” Lucien sighed and ran his hand through his hair. It brought back into view the lopsided ‘666’ tattoo on his wrist. “Do you believe in all of that religious crap?”

“I don’t know. Dad was never really that into it, so I never thought about it. Why?”

“Joseph said that my tattoo ‘carried weight’ or something a while ago. I thought it was stupid when he said it because I don’t believe in all of that stupid shit.”

“So, what does that have to do with your fight with your dad? Did he have some kind of revelation?” Amanda snorted. “Oh man, is he a born again Christian now?”

“No, dad… hasn’t had the best experience with religion.” Of course, everyone thought it was all part of the Gothic stereotype to reject mainstream religion. Everyone had always assumed that Damien was just that way because of his darker interests, but there was a lot more to him that not everyone was aware of. Mary, Joseph’s ex-wife, knew all of his secrets and she accepted him for them. It was probably why neither Joseph nor Mary ever bugged them too much about going to church or joining the youth group. It had actually been a big influence on Lucien to not pursue any type of organized religion, Christianity especially, himself. He’d seen how they treated people like his father and it enraged him. There were still good people out there though and he knew that, Mary and Joseph being a few ones in particular even if Joseph had drifted away from it quite a bit. They always treated Damien well. “You remember I told you he was trans, right?”

“Right, I almost forget sometimes.” Amanda smiled. “How’s he doing with that, by the way?”

“I’ve never seen him happier.” A smile broke through the bad mood that Lucien had been plagued with all evening. It had been a hell of a mountain to climb for the both of them for sure, but they were finally in a good place. Damien especially since he’d been able to get rid of the binders in his closet some time ago, and he seemed to be more comfortable with another part of himself he had previously been dysphoric over. Lucien blushed and sucked down the last of his cigarette to blot out the thoughts. 

“I’m glad, but you still haven’t told me what you’re doing all the way out here in the middle of the night.”

“I just needed to get away from there. Some weird shit’s been happening and I don’t know how to deal with it. One minute I’m cool and the next minute I feel like I’m fucked up.”

“That’s pretty vague, but you know I’m here for you, right? You’re the PB to my J.” Amanda kissed him on the cheek to add an extra bit of sweetness, which finally got him to laugh. He hadn’t really done much of that lately.

“Come here.” He slid his hand beneath her chin and pulled her in for a kiss that kept them warm from the cool night breeze. After a time, Amanda pulled away and poked his nose playfully. 

“I gotta get to sleep. I have an appointment with the school tomorrow about my scholarship.”

“Ah. Yeah. That.” Lucien pulled away from her then and flicked his finished cigarette into the front lawn. “Still going through with it, huh?”

“Duh, it’s what I’ve been working my ass off for.” 

“You still going to remember me when you go off to college?” He felt a pang in his heart. He was still holding out hope for them and he couldn’t let go like he had intended to. Although he had escaped to her house that night for comfort, he had also wanted to start the mental process of separation. It wasn’t exactly that he truly wanted to leave her, but he knew he was lying by not confiding in her about something so big. Not to mention the fact that high school relationships almost never survived college, especially when one was leaving and the other staying behind. She would probably find some hot and artsy guy that was ten times more interesting without all the drama. 

“I told you I was going to visit you every holiday and that we’d start using Skype.” She sighed dramatically. “I just like you too much, I guess. You’re stuck with me.” He chuckled in response and stood with her as she prepared to go back inside. Before she could leave his side he grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips. 

“Hey, Amanda? Can I tell you something really personal and you promise you won’t judge me for it?” The words were out as soon as the guilt hit him. His heart was pounding in his chest as if he had been faced with some terrible fear. He had to trust that no matter what happened, the outcome would be what it was meant to be and that she wouldn’t hate him completely for it. She was probably the most open minded and accepting person he knew.

“Of course, tell me anything.” 

“Okay…” Lucien kept his eyes on the ground as he gripped her hand tightly before him. “Listen, I-”

“Panda, what are you guys doing outside so late? Does Damien know you’re out here, Lucien?” Amanda’s dad peeked outside at the two. He must have been up to make his way to the kitchen for a late night snack. Lucien felt frustration wash over him as he tried to remember who was standing at the door. He had treated Amanda’s dad as a joke when they’d first met, but they’d since reconciled and things were good between them. That didn’t do much to quell his bad mood that was already resurfacing. It fucking figured. 

“He doesn’t care what I do. He’s pissed at me, anyway. I was just going back home.” Lucien dropped Amanda’s hand and started down the steps. 

“Wait a second, what did you need to tell me?” She turned to watch him leave as her father slipped back into the house to leave them alone once more. 

“Some other time, babe. Good luck tomorrow.” 

“Text me when you get up tomorrow. Let me know everything's cool, okay?”

“Will do.” Lucien waved to her as he slipped his headphones back over his ears and walked as slowly as possible down the sidewalk. His father’s house was on the other side of the cul-de-sac, so it would take enough time for him to cool his nerves before he got home. Damien would either be waiting for him or in bed, fed up with the whole thing all together. Lucien hoped it was the latter.

After getting his fill of the moon and stars to delay his return, Lucien climbed the steps to his father’s house. The gargoyles greeted him on either side like watching eyes, almost as if they knew something they couldn’t speak of. Lucien huffed in irritation as the ridiculous sentiment slipped into his mind. He’d been thinking a lot of weird things lately due to the stressors of his situation and his upcoming summer responsibilities. Damien had mentioned earlier that year before he had graduated that Lucien would be best off getting a job to feel better about himself, and to be able to get a car of his own. While that was all true, Lucien just wasn’t feeling it. The weight of adulthood was finally hitting him as a reality now that school was over. It was something you entertained your whole life as some sort of dream, but when it actually happened it left more of a, ‘what do I do now?’ feeling in the pit of your stomach. Regardless, Lucien knew he would probably be fine once he got started. It was just a matter of actually _starting_.

A lamp was on in the parlor to illuminate his father’s cabinet of curiosities as well as the hall light in the entry way. Kicking off his shoes, Lucien made his way into the parlor to drop down onto one of the plush Victorian sofas. He still wasn’t tired and had too much on his mind to be able to rest; Amanda was going away to college, his situation with his dad was a mess, and then summer work. It felt like everything was moving too fast. 

He looked up to seek out the footsteps that had come down the stairs. His father was carrying a lit candelabra that illuminated his tired and pale face. His hair was back in a ponytail and he was wearing his glasses, his usual pajamas in stark contrast with the dark Victorian elegance surrounding them. Lucien quickly turned away and busied himself with his phone’s music player. Damien’s voice seemed to pierce through the silence. “Are you alright, son?”

“Probably not.” Lucien turned up the volume until Damien could hear it muffled through the large Skullz on his son’s head. The older man sighed and came around to slip the headphones off of Lucien’s ears and sat beside him after placing the candelabra on the coffee table. 

“I do not wish to sleep on bad terms. I apologize for upsetting you tonight, Lucien.” The younger looked over at his father and sobered upon seeing the man’s tired face. He knew that Damien always meant well and their fight earlier was due to his own issues that he had dumped on his father without any explanation. He fell forward and wrapped his arms around the man, nuzzling his chest. 

“I’m… sorry for being a dick.” 

“I promise to be more clear with you in the future.” Damien patted his son’s hair as the teenager closed his eyes. “I realize my intentions haven’t been very clear, but you have to understand the position I am in with you. I have my own feelings that I am bothered by as much as you are, and we need to take the time to figure this out instead of overwhelming each other, alright?”

“Yeah. I guess.” 

“I love you, son.”

Lucien opened his eyes and stared at the vase of flowers before them on the table. It hadn’t sounded any different from any other time, although he wasn’t sure exactly what he’d expected. He mumbled in response, “Love you too, dad.”


	6. Code Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had suspected it but was never really sure until that moment. His father had come willingly to him and it had affirmed every decision he had been prepared to make.

Saturday was impossibly warm and sunny outside, but regardless of the weather, Damien was dressed in his Victorian best. Lucien wore his usual - a gray band t-shirt and a pair of black Tripp pants for the casual get-together Amanda’s dad had planned. Rather, it was more of Joseph’s doing to get back into the swing of things. Everything had started to normal out between everyone after the situation between Joseph and Mary had calmed, so it was time to slide back into a normal kind of life again. With any luck, even she would be attending with the kids as long as there was decent wine. Overall, it was looking like a relaxing afternoon for everyone.

Lucien was painfully aware of the fact that it was the first time he’d done anything with his dad in public since everything changed. It had only been a few nights since their argument, but he was at least feeling better about things and there was hope for a better future all around. He still hadn’t come clean with Amanda and didn’t try to contact her about it again. They’d talked on the phone since and she’d pestered him about it, but he’d waved it off to do something much more fun instead. He had no doubt that she would try to pull him aside again at some point that day to get it out of him. Her curiosity was definitely one of her strongest points. 

“Welcome, Damien! Glad you could make it too, Lucien. I got some veggie burgers on the grill for you.” Joseph greeted them with his usual neighborly splendor. 

“Thanks.” Lucien brushed by him in his usual edgelord manner and made his way to the backyard. With any luck, Earnest would be there as well and he could avoid Amanda for the time being. He definitely didn’t want to be bothered with his father around so close, let alone the entire neighborhood. He smiled as he saw the kid sulking by the far end of the yard with a cigarette in his mouth, but his feet barely hit grass before Amanda was jumping onto his back, hugging him tightly and dragging him backward at an awkward angle. “Jesus, Amanda!”

“ _Hey_ , gloom bear!” She relented and came around to his front as he recovered from nearly being choked alive from their height difference. “You look happier today.”

“Do I?” He smiled nervously as he glanced behind him. Earnest was making a feigned gagging expression to which Lucien flipped the finger. “I guess it’s just your shining personality rubbing off on me.”

“Smartass.” Amanda kissed his cheek and led him over to sit on the bench under their cherry tree. He noticed a fire pit that had just been put in and made it his goal to stay long enough to be able to light it. Hopefully most everyone would have headed out by then and he could hang out with Amanda without the presence of his father or the others. While he was avoiding talking to her about the inevitable as much as possible, he knew that it would eventually have to come out. He had opened his big mouth and he would have to follow through. He just hoped she wouldn’t bother him about it until then. 

“So, your appointment was good the other day?”

“Yeah!” She’d wanted to wait to tell him the details until they were face to face. She knew that Lucien was already bummed about her leaving, so she wanted to be able to assure him in the best way possible that she cared about him and that she wasn’t going anywhere. It was also much more important than that, which she knew would cheer Lucien up more than anything when she said what she had to say. “I got the full scholarship and dad won’t have to sell his soul for my college degree.” 

“That’s awesome, babe.” Lucien forced a smile for her sake, but she wasn’t finished.

“ _And_ there’s something else I wanted to tell you.” She glanced around to see that no one was coming up to bother them before smiling sheepishly at him. “It’s something you’ve been wanting to hear.”

“Oh yeah? You declining the scholarship to run away with me?” He rustled her hair as she chuckled.

“No, I’m still going to college. I just wanted to say…” She seemed to be struggling with her words, her eyes shifting before she decided upon a kiss to seal the momentary awkward silence. They were met with sounds of disgust from Earnest on the other side of the yard as well as Carmensita and Daisy making ‘ooh’ing sounds in unison. Amanda pulled back and set her hand on the side of Lucien’s face. She smiled as she gained her courage and looked into his eyes. “I love you.”

‘Shit.’ He froze as his brain completely blanked. It was true that he had always wanted her to say those words, but there couldn’t have been a worse time. It would have been better had she never said them at all. It only made it that much more difficult to want to confide in her and was all the more reason to slowly back away. Lucien knew it took a lot for her to say such a thing and it made him feel like the biggest asshole on the planet. He was, technically, cheating on her and she had just basically sealed the deal. 

He had to say something. Her expression was becoming worried as she reclaimed her hand to her side in an all too casual way. “You… you do?”

“Yeah. I really do. You’ve been patient with me even though I’ve probably been a hell of a tease without realizing it.” She looked down, ashamed. “You’re my first serious relationship and probably the first person I’ve trusted this much since the Emmas and Noah did what they did.”

“That means a lot to me, babe.” Lucien lifted her chin to look at him, smiling. “Thanks.” She came forward to wrap her arms around him in a tight hug. It seemed as if the two had forgotten that several people were within viewing distance, Amanda’s dad one of them. He looked torn between rushing in to protect his baby girl and being proud that she had grown into such an awesome young woman. He had apparently chosen to distract himself with Joseph who had been tending the grill. 

“Lucien!” The sound of his father’s voice brought him out of the serene moment and back into reality as he looked across the yard. The man was smiling and waving at him with a plate in his hand that was stacked with a veggie burger and some chips. Amanda looked to the source of their distraction and jumped up. 

“Alright, food! Come on!” She grabbed Lucien’s arm and dragged him over to the gathering of their neighbors to pile a plate high for herself. Most of them stood around talking about one thing or another, usually something pertaining to art in Hugo and Mat’s case, or work out routines that Craig was bothering Amanda’s dad with - Brian there as always to mention how much he was able to lift with one arm alone. Damien was deep in conversation with Robert and Mary about Robert’s cryptid stories and believing every bit of them no matter how much they were full of complete bullshit. Lucien felt strangely alone in a group of such normal people so far from his dad, when in reality Damien was only a few feet away. He felt like he needed the man closer at his side to at least be near someone who was as weird as he was. Not even Amanda’s excited words about art school were tearing him away from the sinking feeling that was nagging him. 

He watched the other kids as they hovered around the sweets table. They were all so carefree with life and probably in quite normal relationships with their parents. Kisses and hugs, as well as praises, were no more than familial love to them and something to be proud of. Damien definitely did give his fair share of those things to Lucien and was the kindest and most attentive father he could have ever asked for, but at the same time there was a looming sense of tension about that now. The ‘I love yous’ held more weight and the hugs incited a fire deep within that refused to be quenched with anything other than a forbidden kiss, or several that had resulted in something much more only a few times since it had all began. 

Lucien focused on his veggie burger, which was delicious, and tried his best to listen to his girlfriend and encourage her about her artistic future. She truly was brilliant and he soon found himself wrapped up in her mini lesson about photography and collage-making. It took them well into the evening when the wine and margaritas were brought out and the younger children headed home. Craig and Hugo had left the crowd to look after them, Craig having agreed to watch the Shining Twins as well as Chris and Crish along with his three children. That was probably going to be an interesting night.

Lucien was granted his wish as he sprayed lighter fluid over the pit of wood and then lit a piece of cardboard to throw into the mix. The flames exploded into existence for a moment before calming, the sound of crackling wood like music to Lucien’s ears. He found peace for only a few moments before Damien came up to stand beside him. The others who were still there made their way to the makeshift bar instead, casually chatting as Joseph poured their drinks.

“Things are going well with Amanda, I see.” Damien lifted a glass of wine he’d gotten earlier to his lips. He seemed at ease.

“Yeah. She uh… she said she loved me.” Lucien was thankful that Amanda happened to be in the kitchen with her father to tidy up a bit before the evening festivities continued. It allowed him a moment alone with Damien, which was what he’d truly been wanting if he had to be honest with himself. It had been a little while since they’d so much as kissed in that way that Lucien loved so much, and being so close to him next to a fire beneath the night sky was enough to get his mind buzzing. There was a very dark corner at the other end of the lot, but there was also the bathroom. ‘ _People might see us though, which would be awkward and WHY am I thinking about this now?!_ ’

“Lucien? Are you alright?” Damien watched his son with concern as he sipped his wine, who turned to look at him suddenly as if nothing had happened at all. Which it hadn’t, except for the fact that Damien had been trying to have a full on conversation with him only to be ignored.

“I’m fine. It’s just…” He sighed and glanced across the yard before crossing his arms and lowering his voice. “I really wanna kiss you right now.”

“We’ve talked about this, although now is not the appropriate time to continue that conversation.” A troubled expression crossed Damien’s features which seemed to be the switch to Lucien’s mischief. The teenager couldn’t stop the playful grin that stole over his features. 

“There are places where they won’t see us, and they won’t think it’s weird because, well…” Lucien hummed a laugh and looked into Damien's eyes. “We’re father and son.”

“Please…”

“We could get away with it, you know.” Lucien brushed his hand against his father’s only for the man to retract it behind his back.

“You’ve truly become a little devil, haven’t you?” Damien’s sigh signaled his defeat and he downed more of the wine to empty his glass. “I should be discouraging this behavior, but I see that you will refuse to listen no matter the words that come out of my mouth.”

“The bathroom’s a good place, if we’re careful.”

“Lucien!” Damien glared at his son as the others began to make their way over to the fire. “Now is not the time.”

“You know, I just remembered that I had to use the bathroom. I’ll be inside if you need me.” The message was clear as Lucien walked across the yard to the sliding glass door. He glanced behind him as he entered the back of the house to watch for his father’s reaction, of which there hadn’t seemed to be one yet. He highly doubted the man would follow him as he’d never shown any desire to initiate anything before, but it was worth a try. If nothing else, Lucien would get a bit of alone time to work off the erection that had started to bother him the moment his mind wandered. 

He’d managed to slip past Amanda unnoticed and entered the sterile white bathroom without locking the door. The light was much too bright bouncing off the tiles and there was no night light to be found, so Lucien settled in for a bit of alone time. He flipped down the lid on the toilet and sat back with his phone in his hands. He’d changed his wallpaper from a picture of Amanda and him to one of his current favorite bands, but he’d been considering changing it again. No one bothered to touch his phone anyway, and now that he wasn’t in school he didn’t really have much to worry about.

He opened up his phone’s gallery and flipped through the pictures, a few recent ones of Damien when he hadn’t been aware that he was being photographed. Hey, at least his image showed up in them so Lucien had that much proof that he really was just human. ‘ _I swear that’s the only reason I took those._ ’ He smiled to himself and tapped on one of his dad wearing one of his Gothic Victorian outfits while sitting in his garden with tea. He wasn’t nearly as good with photography as Amanda, but they were good enough. 

Just as he regretted bringing her name up at a time like that, there were three knocks on the bathroom door. “Occupied,” Lucien yelled without another thought and returned to his phone to find a porn site. 

“I am aware.” Damien slipped inside and locked the door behind him. “It is only I rapping at your chamber door.” He smiled as he spoke the reference with a flourish, gaining a chuckle from Lucien. 

“Holy shit, I didn’t think you’d actually come in here.” 

“Neither did I. Perhaps I shouldn’t have.” Damien ran a hand through his hair as he stood there awkwardly, not even sure what had possessed him. He hadn’t the time to think too much on it because Lucien was already embracing him, sending him stumbling back against the bathroom door with a light ‘thud’. His son had him pinned as their lips met with equal passion, Lucien’s hands sliding up his father’s arms to intertwine their fingers against the bathroom door. The younger had started to rock his hips into the ones pressing against his own and sighed into the heated kiss before surfacing for air, that same pout on his face that he always wore just for Damien. 

“You really do love this, don’t you?”

“I only came but for a second, Lucien.” Damien’s breathing had become shaky against the lips that were still teasing just inches from his own. “I… did not want you to be upset with me.”

“Don’t worry, I understand.” Lucien slid his tongue along Damien’s lower lip before biting down and sucking, which gained a quiet sigh that went straight south. “But you can’t just leave me here with blue balls.”

“Like I mentioned earlier, we will discuss this later.” Damien closed his eyes and forgot to breathe when he felt Lucien’s hand wandering south to rub teasingly. “At - at home.”

“Alright, whatever. So we’re speaking in code now?” Lucien chuckled and backed away, as painful as it was to do so. “‘Discussion’,” he accented the words with air quotes, “later is fine with me.” A much softer expression stole over him then as he pulled his phone from his pocket and snapped a picture of Damien against the door. His father cringed visibly.

“I hate to admit the fact that I distrust you with photos such as that one.”

“I just want to remember the moment that you finally realized you felt the same way I do.” He gripped his phone tightly as he fought to contain the emotions that arose the moment he dropped his cool exterior. He had suspected it, but was never really sure until that moment. His father had come willingly to him and it had affirmed every decision he had been prepared to make. He would have to tell Amanda and stop cowering away from the truth, and while he did love her, he also loved Damien. Unfortunately, he doubted Amanda was the sharing type and he definitely didn’t deserve her after today.

Somehow everything was going to work out no matter what. It had to.


	7. Downward Spiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes things happen and it's like a domino effect. Once it starts, it can't stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit longer than the others. I had some trouble writing it due to my own issues with being trans and being intimate, so I wrote it the best I could. I've added new tags for the warnings, so check those.

It was late when Lucien and Damien had stumbled into the house. Damien wasn’t as drunk as he had been after Joseph and Amanda’s dad’s wedding, but he’d had enough to leave him pleasantly buzzed enough to deal with what had happened behind the bathroom door. Lucien had snuck a few drinks while no one was looking, so he was feeling pleasant himself, but much too aware of things for his liking. He was able to manage juggling both his awkwardness with his father around the others and a pleasant time with Amanda, who had also snuck one or two drinks, but it had become mentally exhausting. He’d made plans for when he and Damien had returned home, but he was growing much too tired to go through with them. This also irritated him.

“Lucien, you seem upset. Do you need to talk?” Damien hung his cloak over the rack near the door and slid his shoes off as he spoke off to the side. Despite what they’d been through and his newfound nervousness around Lucien, he was still his son and when Lucien was troubled it was his job to make sure he was alright.

“I’m too tired to care.” Lucien stood in the entryway and ran his hand through his hair. He kept his eyes focused on the ground to keep from looking at his father who had been staring at him since he’d spoken. To look into the man’s eyes would bring back the memories of what happened at the party, and it would only reignite the fire that he was too tired to quench. It was weird - he was usually up for teasing Damien and he had earlier without questioning himself, but after hanging out with Amanda and being so torn between the two, he didn’t seem to have his usual vigor anymore. He’d thought the alcohol would help, but it had done the opposite. It looked like drinking wasn’t going to be his favorite past time.

“You know I am here for you if you need anything. If it is Amanda you are troubled by, then please feel free to speak to me about it.” Damien approached Lucien and lifted his head to look into his son’s eyes. He definitely seemed tired. 

“I can’t figure out what to do with all of this.” The younger closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Damien as he rested his head against the man’s shoulder. “I want her and I want you. I shouldn’t have you and I definitely can’t have both of you.”

“Then perhaps you’re best working through your troubles with me and spending more time with Amanda.” Damien’s voice dropped as he spoke. He hadn’t meant to sound so disappointed, but he knew it was the right decision. It wasn’t as if they’d stop being close as they always were before, there would just be much-needed space that was normal for every parent and child. Lucien looked up into his father’s eyes.

“I can’t. I can’t quit feeling the need to tease the shit out of you when you’re around. It’s like I’m cursed or something.” Damien chuckled in response.

“You aren’t cursed, Lucien. You’ve just got a strange fixation that not many have. While I have been much more accepting than I should have been, there are ways to work past these feelings and go back to something more normal. I think it would benefit us both before we get carried away.” ‘ _Destroy it._ ’ There was a clench in Damien’s chest as he felt his son’s fists tighten where they latched onto his vest. He was regretting meeting Lucien in the bathroom at the party and he knew then that it was a horrible idea. He just had to see for himself what his own feelings on the matter were. It was a horrible thing to use that situation as a ‘test’, but he knew deep down that he truly didn’t mind it where others would. He couldn’t let it continue, however, especially since it was causing Lucien so much grief over Amanda.

“Can we really just act like nothing’s happened, though?” Lucien could feel his heartbeat quickening as his lips found Damien’s warm neck. “It’s like I’m not in control of myself when it happens.”

“Then maybe you are possessed if that is what you wish to hear.” Damien’s hand came up into his son’s silver hair and pet him lovingly. 

“Don’t be stupid.” Lucien hugged him tighter as his lips feathered down his father’s throat. ‘ _God damn it!_ ’ 

Damien closed his eyes and stilled his hand as he worked up the resolve to push Lucien away. It never came, however, and he just stood there awkwardly with his own conflicting emotions eating away at him. Truthfully, it felt good. The warm breath tickling his throat gave him goosebumps and he was beginning to feel arousal throb between his legs. It didn’t really help matters either that Lucien treated him sexually as the man he’d strived so hard to become, and it had been his first sexual experience since he’d accepted himself and his identity. “Lucien, I thought you were upset.”

“I am.” The younger bit down gently at the crook of Damien’s neck and gained a quiet sigh in return. “Push me away if you don’t want it.” He continued up his father’s neck and slipped out his tongue before sucking at the skin. 

“You can’t leave marks!” Damien pulled away from his son and slid his hand along the wet side of his neck that had started to bruise. “What will they think?”

“That you found some ass.” Lucien chuckled and started to back up toward the stairs. He beckoned for his father to follow with a hand raised in the air. “I just want to cuddle, I promise. I’m upset and it would comfort me, dad.” He smiled sweetly and watched behind him as he climbed the stairs. He knew that would be the thing to get Damien to follow, which he did as expected. 

The bedroom was dark until Damien lit a candle on the nightstand, then proceeded to light a few more that were around the room. Lucien had been in his father’s bedroom before, but he had never spent long enough to really look around. He wasn’t surprised at the large bed that was covered in a red and black elegant design. There was an open canopy that held sheer, gauzy black curtains covering each side and the foot of the bed, and candelabras were on either nightstand. He smiled hopelessly at it all, although he was guilty of being in love with the style himself. His attention focused then on his father who had unbuttoned his vest and hung it in his closet before sitting on the side of his bed. The man patted the spot beside him without looking his son’s way and Lucien took it as an invitation to, at least, be close to him if nothing else. 

The teenager dropped down onto the bed beside his father and wrapped his arm around his shoulder, pulling him until they were both lying on their backs on the red and black comforter. They both laid there in silence for a time just watching the shadows from the candles flickering on the ceiling. It was an intimate moment in itself that was rather peaceful and neither found discomfort in it for the time being. Lucien finally made the move to throw his leg over his father’s and wrapped an arm around his waist, resting his head on the man’s chest. 

“Maybe it would have been better if you’d yelled at me.” Lucien gently worked his fingers just beneath the hem of his father’s shirt. “Why do you just let it happen?”

“I… don’t know.” Damien slid his hand over his son’s arm, caressing it with his thumb. “I never wish to upset you and I know that by becoming angry and rejecting you, you would dislike me.”

“I could never hate you, but yeah. It’d probably have been hard.” Lucien shifted his hips to get comfortable. “But you followed me tonight. Twice.”

“Maybe something has possessed me as well.” Damien huffed a laugh as he kept his eyes on the dancing shadows above him. 

“Then I guess we’re both fucked, right?” Lucien chuckled and slid his hand that was bothering the hem of his father’s shirt to tilt his face to the side. “We can keep it a secret.”

“And Amanda? What of her? Is this not something that is considered dishonest in a relationship?”

“Cheating?” Lucien stared into his father’s eyes before drifting down to watch his lips as they parted slightly. “I keep feeling like it is, but since you’re my dad, is it really cheating?” He hadn’t really taken the time to consider it in that way before, but technically his father already had his love. A familial love of course, but was this just an extended form of it? Lucien’s mind began to buzz once more with new possibilities. He’d spent so much time thinking about things in a conventional manner when it really wasn’t one. For some reason, it hit him differently tonight while talking to Damien, so maybe things could be worked out in a better way. He still felt guilty, but it was beginning to ease as he considered this new way of thinking. 

“Should we really justify something such as this?” Damien’s eyes lowered as his son’s lips brushed against his own. 

“I have to figure something out because being in love with two people is hell.” He licked his lips and teased at his father’s once more before finally diving in for that sweet rush of arousal that it always gave. Lucien smiled against Damien’s lips as the man finally seemed to be relenting much easier to kissing at least. He was pleasantly surprised when his father coaxed his lips open for a taste which sent everything spiraling down. 

Lucien pulled away long enough to crawl over top of Damien and straddle him before capturing his lips once again. They stopped once Damien’s protests finally became annoying enough for Lucien to sigh in frustration. “ _What_ now?”

“I thought the intention was only to lie in each other’s presence.” A hopeless smile crossed his lips.

“We still are. I didn’t say what kind of cuddling we were going to do.” Lucien returned to his father’s lips before nibbling his way down the man’s jaw and back to his neck where he latched on low near the crook. Damien’s hips rocked slightly off the bed as the feeling left him with goose bumps, his earlier worries of a mark escaping him to better focus on the hand that was sliding down toward his throbbing heat. He held back a pleasurable sigh as the hand caressing him squeezed. 

Lucien came back up to watch his father’s expressions as he teased the wet opening with his fingers over silk pants. He felt his own need rising and sat back on his knees to unbutton his pants with the zipper, and pulled them open. They were baggy enough to expose the bulge in his tight underwear. “Touch me. Please.” He guided Damien’s hand until it was slipping between his pants and resting on his cock unmoving. He sighed as he felt fingers twitch and then move on their own against him. “Da… Damien, yes.”

Damien stopped to stare at his son, knowing very well what he meant. “‘Damien’?”

“That sounded weird.” Lucien cringed. “I was trying to make this less weird.”

“I don’t believe that is a possibility.”

“Well, I can’t call you dad.” 

“I honestly don’t like it when you address me by name.” Damien squeezed and Lucien’s body tensed with pleasure.

“ _Oh_ , daddy. Is that what you want?” He had to admit that it felt deliciously wicked to say it. Damien didn’t respond, but continued to trace the shape of Lucien’s cock in his underwear, the expression on his face conflicted. The teenager bit his lip and rocked his hips into the hand that he would have much more preferred on his bare skin, something he had never really experienced save for with his own. He dared to slip his fingers down to tug at his underwear and freed himself, then glanced down at his father. “Please, don’t stop.”

Damien’s fingers hesitated before tracing the head and then wrapping around the base of Lucien’s cock. The younger ran his hand up his shirt and drug his nails across his chest, a pleasant sigh escaping him as the hand on him began to move at a slow rhythm. His mind began to wander with all of the things he wanted to try and if Damien would even let him. He had been practically melting inside to have sex with Amanda, but with his father so agreeable to him lately, the possibility was very much there. At least, he wanted it to be.

Lucien’s thoughts came back to the present as a squeeze felt particularly good. He slipped his t-shirt over his head and watched the hand moving on him, his hips thrusting into it as the room grew silent save for his heavy breathing. He was pleased to find Damien as bothered as he was - the man’s face burning a light pink from embarrassment and his hand still unsure. “Hey, can I touch you, too?” Lucien’s words were lazy and accented with a breathy moan.

“You’ve never asked before.” There was a hint of irritation in Damien’s voice as he spoke, but his body language displayed none of it. Lucien took the chance and hovered back over his father to kiss him, his hand slipping between them to unbutton the man’s pants. Damien paused his caresses to allow Lucien to pull them off and throw them onto the floor, then climb back up to nibble at the waistline of his father’s underwear. Those were off just as quickly and Lucien was back up to tease Damien’s lips while his fingers danced around the swollen ones below. 

“Fuck, you’re really wet.” He slipped two fingers around the opening before plunging them inside. A light blush crawled up to his ears as he heard the moan that came from Damien’s mouth. ‘ _Do that again._ ’ His fingers dug deep inside before pulling out and repeating, all the while watching Damien’s face twist with pleasure. The sounds below fueled his strange aggression and he became rougher and faster with his hand, smirking as the body below him writhed in ecstasy. As his fingers became relentless he set his mouth by his father’s ear to run his tongue along the edge, gaining another moan that sent a shiver down his spine. “Wanna fuck you, daddy.”

“Don’t… _Oh god_.”

“Don’t say things like that? Why? You’re already letting me finger bang you.” Lucien’s fatigue had all but disappeared by then and he was dripping with anticipation. He withdrew his fingers and tugged at the hem of his father’s shirt, which Damien relented to and it was soon on the bed beside them. Lucien took the moment to run his lips along the scars that lined Damien’s chest. He had seen them before, but only when they’d still been in the healing process. Now they were raised and faded. He felt a sudden urge to reassure Damien and sat back on his knees to look down upon the body below him. It was beautiful. “You’re such a hot guy.”

Damien turned his head to the side and closed his eyes. It was the first time that anyone had seen him fully naked since his transition and he was feeling an uncomfortable anxiety well up in his chest. The added guilt from feeling unbelievably turned on from his son’s touches only made it worse. He had always worried that he wouldn’t enjoy penetration of any kind, but he was discovering the opposite. Then again, he had been discovering a lot of things about himself lately that he never thought he would be okay with. Being with Lucien in this way was one, and while it started out as just something devious with foreplay, he’d never expected the moment to come where Lucien would want to take it much further. Did it even matter now? “Lucien, you must promise me something first.”

“Anything.” He had shucked off his pants the rest of the way onto the floor. 

“If I ask you to stop, you must.” Damien’s heart was in his throat. This was really happening. 

“I promise.” Lucien smiled reassuringly before sputtering a laugh he’d tried to contain. Damien looked up at him, concerned. 

“Why are you laughing?”

“You’re actually going to be my first.” 

“Oh god.” Damien ran a hand through his hair and groaned. Lucien may have found it amusing, but it wasn’t a good thing. It was the worst possible thing that could have happened. “Maybe we should stop this here.”

“I don’t care.” Lucien ran his hands up Damien’s legs before sliding between them to get into position. “I know what I want.” He held his breath as he nudged inside, but paused to be sure that Damien was alright. The man brought his hands up to wrap around Lucien’s neck, pulling him down to balance on his hands. Taking that as a sign to continue, Lucien slid slowly inside. It felt more amazing than he’d ever guessed, and he found himself falling into a steady rhythm that quickly became something fast and rough. The moans coming from Damien were enough to assure him that he wasn’t stopping and he realized that he was already too close. Lucien forced himself to slow down and reached down between them, his fingers circling roughly around the swollen bundle of nerves to bring Damien to a complete bucking mess as he reached his peak. Lucien felt the tickle crawling into his stomach as Damien's insides constricted around him and he forced himself to pull out quickly, still rocking his hips into the orgasm that claimed his entire body.

Lucien fell forward to rest his head on his father’s chest and sighed as one last wave of relief washed over him. As they both came down from their highs, reality seemed to hit all at once. He kept repeating in his buzzing mind that he had ‘ _just did that, oh my god, did I seriously just…?_ ’ “Dad? You okay?”

“I’m more worried for you, Lucien.” The man’s heart was still beating hard against his chest and it felt like a gentle vibration against the side of Lucien's face. “Do you regret having me as your first?”

“No. I mean, I always thought it’d be Amanda, but…” He chastised himself for even bringing up her name. 

“Speaking of Amanda, what are you going to do?” Damien lifted his hand to pet the silver hair that was tickling his skin. His son went silent for a moment as if in thought and it worried him. There were going to be difficulties after this and he was sure of it. He only hoped that Lucien was able to keep a secret. He would die if anyone knew.

“I don’t know. I’ve been wanting to tell her about us for a while, but I can’t. It just won’t come out.” Lucien lifted his head and searched his father for advice. “Should I just break it off?”

“That is your choice to make, but I doubt continuing like this with Amanda still so close to you would be healthy.” Damien kissed his son’s forehead. “I love you and I do not wish for you to be hurt, but I do ask that you keep this our secret, alright?”

“What do I tell Amanda then? If I do say something, what would I even say?” He was still so damn conflicted inside that it was beginning to eat away at him. He may have acted calm and cool in Damien’s presence, but it was all part of trying to play the dominant role in getting what he desired. He did make a point earlier when he’d suggested it wasn’t really cheating at all, but he hadn’t expected things to go all the way as they had, either. 

“That is your decision and I will not sway it. I can assure you that I will always be here for you no matter the choice that you make.”

“Why do you have to be so god damned amazing? It makes all of this harder.” Lucien captured Damien’s lips in a slow and loving kiss before sitting up to check the clock on his father’s nightstand. It was then that he heard his phone going off and realized that he’d tuned it out the entire time. Amanda had probably been trying to call and text him for a while. Sliding off the bed, he pulled his pants up to his waist without buttoning them and swiped open the lock screen to see a few texts and missed calls. He tried to respond that he’d call her back in a few minutes, but his thumbs just hovered above the keyboard. Damien slid to the side of the bed to watch him, concern on his face. 

“Why don’t you wait until you’ve slept. I’m sure she will understand due to your drinking habits tonight.”

“Wait, what?! I didn’t-!” Lucien looked over at his father in a panic. He thought he’d been able to sneak by without him noticing, but a knowing grin spread across Damien’s face.

“I’m not a fool, Lucien. Just don’t make it a regular habit, please.” He slid out of bed and gathered his pajamas before making his way to the bathroom for a much-needed shower. This left Lucien alone feeling his usual irritation at having done something out of line, but also mixed in were his newfound feelings that left him relaxed from the afterglow. It was definitely a weird mixture of emotions.


	8. Afternoon Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems Damien is having certain feelings that he will continue to hide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got some great suggestions from someone in the comments, and while I had my own ideas for this chapter, I am going to incorporate some of the awesome ideas from [ImASinnerForLife](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ImASinnerForLife) in the next chapter, or maybe the next few. Thank you for helping me break my writer's block :D

“I have to admit that when I saw you walk in here asking for an application I thought it was a joke.” Mat smiled and held out his hand. “Glad to see it wasn’t. Welcome to your first day!” 

Lucien shook the man’s hand, nonplussed. He would be irritated if it weren’t for the fact that his reputation wasn’t actually the greatest, but since he’d started dating Amanda, the others seemed to have relented. They knew she was a good kid and in turn Lucien would probably follow in her footsteps, which he had mostly started to do. Without another word, he slid behind the counter, Mat pleased to see that the teenager had ditched the Tripp pants and was wearing a pair of unscathed black skinny jeans with a baggy Deathstars T-shirt. 

The day went by fairly slowly. Everyone that came in to grab a coffee were the usual familiar faces - Robert being one of the afternoon customers every day to work off his hangover from the night before. The scruffy man usually sat in a corner reading a paper with his black coffee in hand, sometimes jotting something down or circling an article. Lucien couldn’t help but pass by and pretend as if he were cleaning a table to see what was up. Robert was strange and antisocial at best, which was something that often attracted Lucien to him. The man just had this air of mystery that begged to be prodded at.

“You want something, kid?” Lucien was caught off guard and came around to sit at Robert’s table in defeat, the rag still in his hand. 

“What are you looking up? I didn’t think people read the paper anymore.” A mischievous smile crossed the teenager’s face. “I mean, that’s an old person thing, isn’t it?” 

“You’re better off respecting your elders, you know.” Robert grunted before returning to his paper. “Besides, you never know when someone might snap.”

“I’m not afraid of an angry old person.” Lucien chuckled before Robert’s face got dark.

“That’s what the last kid said, but that was before they hauled me off to the looney bin.” Robert sighed as if he were remembering some gruesome story. Lucien’s playful demeanor dropped.

“Wait, you were in the loony bin? What for?” Robert continued looking over the paper and sipping his coffee.

“Totally. Some time ago, though. Said I wasn’t safe around normal people.” Lucien leaned back in the booth.

“You’re a psychopath?”

“That’s what they called it, but maybe not with those exact words.” Robert smiled. “Too bad they never found the kid.”

“What do you mean ‘they never found him’?” Lucien was giving way to fear as he regretted sitting down with the guy instantly. He should have suspected that Robert was some creep. The guy never tried to act otherwise.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s in the past now and I’ve been taking my meds.” An awkward silence drifted between them before Mat came up beside the scruffy older man and slapped a hand on his shoulder.

“Stop scaring my employee, dude.” Robert chuckled in response.

“Gotta have some fun with the newcomer.”

“Wait…” Lucien looked from Mat to Robert quizzically. “Robert _isn’t_ a psychopath? Like, he’s not going to gank me when I walk out of here for calling him an old man, is he?”

“I’d like to think not, but we can never be too sure, can we?” Damien’s voice interrupted them as he walked up beside the small crowd, smiling down at his son. “I see you’re having an interesting first day on the job.”

“Yeah, interesting… wait, what are you doing here? You don’t drink coffee.”

“I’ve heard that Mat has a wonderful selection of teas. I may have to make it a regular stop on my way to work.” 

Lucien looked his father up and down to see the man dressed in his usual Gothic Victorian regalia. The man didn’t change until he got to work to protect his image of himself he had perfected over the years, so it was no surprise. It was coming upon the time for Damien to leave for his shift anyway, so it left only a few minutes to pester his son at work. Lucien felt his heart drop. That was right. His shift ended where his father’s began, which meant they would see little of each other during the week. Granted, Mat was starting Lucien off as a part-time employee, but what would happen if he were to move to full-time? The weekends would be spent with Amanda until she left for college to get in all the time they could, but even then things were getting hazy with that situation. 

Damien didn’t have a chance to protest before Lucien grabbed his arm and pulled him into the back room, not caring rather Mat allowed it or not. It had been a bit of time since they’d last been intimate, and just knowing that their time was going to be even more limited made him want to do something ridiculous. It wasn’t really like him to think before acting anyway, which he realized, to everyone else at least, it would look like they were just going to have a private conversation. He knew that's what Damien had hoped it would be.

Lucien locked the door and approached his father, wrapping his arms around the man’s neck before kissing him. He should have expected to be pushed away, but he wanted to try anyway. His hand pressed against the back of Damien’s head to keep him from pulling away as the older man set his hands on his son’s chest. A gentle push became something more forceful until Lucien finally released them. “What?! The door’s locked, no one is going to know.”

“You’re at work, Lucien! That was the dumbest thing you’ve done since Joseph’s cookout!”

“I really doubt they’re thinking the worst.” Lucien walked forward until he had Damien pressed against the wall of the dimly lit backroom. “First day of work is always stressful. I need a break, daddy.” He went in for another kiss only to be disappointed when Damien turned his head to avoid it.

“I’m going to be late for work. I only came to check on you.”

“Why are you so hot and cold? You let me fuck you and then you go and reject me again afterward.”

“I’m sensing some aggression. What’s really bothering you, Lucien?” Damien had gone into father-mode and there was no changing it at that point. When something was wrong it was his priority to make sure Lucien was okay above all else, so there was no point in pursuing what Lucien had originally wanted. The teenager backed off and ran his hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry it’s just… our schedules. I won’t get to see you that much anymore.”

“Is that truly why you are upset? You haven’t spoken to Amanda yet, have you?” 

“One thing at a time, Jesus!” Lucien fell into one of the plastic chairs sitting by a shelf of assorted coffee beans. “I’m going to deal with it eventually, okay?”

“I know that we had an intimate moment, Lucien, but ultimately you must realize that you can’t just demand it from me when it is convenient for you, especially not with such a sweet young lady caught in this strange web of lies you’re spinning.”

“Whatever, Shakespeare.” The words were meant to be insulting but came out sad, Lucien's face not reflecting any of the anger he felt at being denied. He couldn’t be angry with Damien regardless of how much he wanted to be. He was realizing just how much he loved the man who was supposed to be his father. It wasn’t only lust as he had first thought it to solely be - if it were any indication at how upset it made him when thinking about their conflicting schedules. It was the most confusing place to be in having a love for two people, but he was beginning to suspect that his love for one was more than the other. He’d heard of people considering themselves ‘poly’, which meant sharing a love for more than one person and having multiple partners happily, but he didn’t think Amanda nor Damien were that type of person. That would be toying with the idea that Amanda would even want to be involved in something as screwed up as this. 

Damien finally dropped his guard and sunk to the floor to kneel before the chair Lucien was in. To the teenager’s surprise, a head of long black hair came to rest in his lap. It was oddly comforting. “I love you, Lucien, as my son and-” Damien paused before sighing and continuing. “I love you and do not wish to see you hurt, nor anyone else hurt due to our messy idea of what a father and son should be.”

“I know this isn’t the way it should be. I never meant for this to define that relationship.”

“Then what are you trying to do?” Damien lifted his head to look up at Lucien, his eyes tired. It seemed this was weighing heavily upon him as well, and Lucien suddenly felt very guilty. He was messing with two people that were very fragile which wasn’t right. He couldn’t take back anything he’d said and done, however. All he could do was to try to wrap his head around this mess before anyone got hurt, but it seemed at least one person would have to take the brunt eventually. As he looked into his father’s eyes, he knew he didn’t want to hurt Damien. The man had already been through too much.

“I got upset when I realized I couldn’t see you during the week as much as I wanted to. It was already limited with your extra stuff at the shelter, but now that I got into this it’s going to be even worse.”

“I’m proud of you for doing this.” Damien smiled and rubbed Lucien’s leg affectionately. “You’re finding responsibility and it will make you a better person, and perhaps allow you to make better decisions where all of this is concerned.”

“I feel like I know what my decision is going to be already.” Lucien felt his body light up as Damien’s hand rested on his knee, the man’s head laying in his lap again. _Shit_.

“And I feel as if I know what it should be, but you wouldn’t listen, would you?” A knocking on the door made both of them jump and separate, Lucien nearly falling out of the small chair. Mat’s muffled voice came through the crack of the door.

“Got a few things for you to do, Lucien. I don’t mind you taking breaks because that’s cool and everything, but your shift is almost up. No rush though.” Damien chuckled.

“He really is a kind man. Almost too kind. You’re quite lucky to have a manager like him.” He had his hand over his heart where it had nearly jumped out of him.

“I guess so.” Lucien approached the door to unlock it and turned to Damien once more after Mat had left. “I’ll wait for you to get home tonight.”

“You have work early tomorrow morning…”

“I don’t care. I’ll stay up all night.” Lucien pushed on the door. “Not like you stay out late anyway.” With a smile, he left the room and Damien in silence.


	9. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucien's jealousy turns into an emotionally charged confession from Damien.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off of an idea given to me by [ImASinnerForLife](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ImASinnerForLife/pseuds/ImASinnerForLife) Thanks for helping me beat my writer's block, and you are welcome for the sins ^_^

Lucien had spent the entire day with Amanda on Saturday. The time was coming closer for her to leave for college and it was starting to show in her expressions. She was normally quite bubbly and pleasant in conversation, if not a bit silly at times, but Lucien began to notice a depression setting in. It was like her to bottle things up and not speak about the more painful emotions, but he knew she needed to talk to someone. He couldn’t help but laugh sarcastically in his own mind. He knew all about bottling things up, alright.

The sky was glowing orange and pink as the sun set over the cul-de-sac. Amanda had Lucien’s hand squeezed firmly in hers as they walked along the back streets to get to the small bar around the block. They may not have been able to drink, but it was an interesting place to hang out as long as you were at least eighteen. The game machines were a rip-off, but they were a fun way to pass the time. 

“Hey, babe. You okay? You’ve been kind of sad lately.” Lucien stumbled as his girlfriend stopped walking, their fingers still intertwined. Her eyes drifted to the pavement and it seemed as if she were fighting back tears. “Amanda?” Lucien brought her close in a hug and squeezed her tightly.

“I’m going to miss you, gloom bear.” Amanda’s hands grabbed onto Lucien’s shirt affectionately as if she didn’t want to let him go. His heart clenched. 

“It’s your dream. You’ll be happy when you get there.” He pulled back to smile at her. He had to hide his own negative thoughts that were surfacing as well. With Amanda at college, it would be much easier to let their relationship fade into the background. At least, it hurt less that way and it was the best way that he could think to handle the mess that he had started. Lucien took a deep breath. No, now wasn’t the time to think about that. Amanda needed him, and he needed to be there for her.

“Yeah, but we’ll be so far from each other. What if you find another girl who can give you more attention than I can?”

“Babe, don’t worry about it. We got Skype and we have our phones. We’ll be okay.” He felt his stomach churn with emotion as he dared to utter the lie. He had to lie even if it made him physically sick. 

“You won’t get tired of being in a long distance relationship?” Amanda wiped the tears that had started to fall.

“Nope. Not with someone like you.” Lucien slipped his hand beneath her jaw and pulled her in for a quick kiss. “Let’s go play some crappy bar games. I bet I can kick your ass at pinball.”

“I’ll have you know my dad is a pinball champion. I learned a few things.” A smile finally graced Amanda’s lightly freckled face. It brought some ease to the moment and allowed them to continue as they were. Lucien was relieved when she started to lead him by the hand once more and they rounded a corner, coming within viewing distance of the bar that was starting to light up outside. The usual patrons were already present, most likely, and getting an early start on a late night that would end up as a painful early morning.

As suspected, the bar smelled strongly of old wood and booze, as well as a mixture of several different colognes and perfumes that were enough to make a person gag. The two teenagers made their way to the back where the pinball machine was, ignoring the other patrons. The bartender on duty already knew their faces and paid them no mind as he filled an order for a few men at the far end of the bar. 

“I have some money from my first week at work, so we can chill for a while.” Lucien pulled out his leather wallet that was attached by a large chain. “I’m going to get some change and I’ll be right back.” 

“I’ll be here. You’re just delaying your inevitable defeat, after all.” Amanda poked her tongue out at Lucien, who bit at it playfully. 

“I am not afraid to tackle you in front of all of these people, babe.”

“I dare you.” Amanda crossed her arms as she watched her boyfriend sink back into his shyness. He may have been confident around her and in private, but when it came to being in the middle of a bar full of people, some of which they both knew very well, Lucien’s anxiety reared its ugly head. When he only smiled and turned to leave her, she giggled. “Thought so.”

The bar was relatively sparse with people as Lucien walked up to wave the bartender down. He had paid no mind to anyone around him, so it came as a surprise when a woman’s hand came down on his shoulder. “Hey, kid. It’s going to be a few more years before you can drink this stuff.” Lucien turned to see Mary standing behind him, an amber drink resting in her hand that was already half empty. Where Mary was there was also bound to be a sighting of Robert, especially in a bar. Lucien still felt unnerved by the guy since their last encounter at Mat’s coffee shop. 

“I’m here with my girlfriend. Besides,” he smiled defiantly, “how do you know I don’t have a fake ID?”

“Because even though you’re a delinquent, you’re not that much of one. I think the dude serving the drinks would call bullshit on that, too.” Mary pointed to the far end of the bar where Robert sat with another man. Oh god. “That, and your dad would have something to say about it, I’d think.”

“Fuck.” The color drained from Lucien’s face as he saw his father dressed up in his fancy regalia, lounging in the back with Robert who had already bought him a few drinks. There were a few shot glasses on the table. 

“Your dad know you talk like that?” Mary quirked a brow as she flagged the bartender down. Oh, if only she had known. The remark brought on a flood of anxiety as Lucien remained frozen where he stood, the bartender tapping the wood between them with a glass to get his attention.

“Hey, Lucien, you listening? What do you want?”

“Oh, uh…” Lucien pulled his eyes away from the back corner and tried to act nonchalant. “Just some change for the machine in back.”

“Yeah, I heard you got yourself a job finally. Surprised the hell out of me.”

“Hey! I can be responsible!” Lucien huffed at the bartender as the man chuckled and left to get the change the teenager had requested. Mary drifted back over to the back corner, but not before eyeing up an average looking guy sitting alone near the entrance. Normally Lucien would feel weird about it, but she was a free woman now. Since Joseph had left her, she’d seemed to start drinking even more and was finally able to go home with whoever she felt like on a given night. Oddly, she’d never tried to come onto Robert. Then again, Lucien didn’t blame her for not trying. The dude was creepy. 

He rejoined Amanda at the back of the bar and glanced over at the table where his father was sitting. They were so close yet far enough for Damien to not really notice. Well, not until Mary decided to point in he and Amanda’s direction. Lucien turned around quickly as if he hadn’t noticed and crept up behind Amanda to wrap his arms around her. She squeaked and lost her ball in the machine. “Cuddling is cheating!”

“If you’re any good then you’ll be able to play like this, “ Lucien teased her. She smiled at the challenge and launched another ball as Lucien nuzzled at the back of her head. He glanced beside them without moving his head to see that Robert had thrown his arm around Damien’s shoulder and was offering him another shot, to which he politely tried to decline. The hand that was resting on Damien’s shoulder squeezed and pulled him closer, and it caused a surge of jealousy to light a dangerous fire within Lucien. He was with Amanda. He had to focus on her. 

“Your turn, gloom bear. See if you can beat that score!” 

“I bet you I can double it.” The silver-haired teenager allowed his girlfriend to move aside and grabbed both sides of the machine. He tugged on the launcher much harder than he’d intended, the hard snap-back bringing a satisfaction to his nerves that were jumping out of his skin. He couldn’t focus on the game, his eyes occasionally drifting over to the trio in the corner who were becoming loud with laughter, poor Damien downing another shot per request of the man currently making, what looked like, a move on him. ‘ _Get off of him!_ ’ 

“Hey, you suck at this. Looks like you were all talk.” Amanda giggled as Lucien lost his second ball as quickly as the first. She tried the same trick he’d tried on her, coming up behind him to embrace him tightly before she noticed him frozen where he stood. She followed his eyes to see him staring at the table occupied by Robert, Mary, and Damien. “Oh, shit. You uncomfortable because your dad’s here? We can go somewhere else.”

“No. We’re staying here.” The words came out sharper than Lucien had intended, his heart pounding faster as anger consumed him. Damien glanced in his direction briefly at last, a look of unease painted all over his face. Robert was blatantly flirting with him and Mary was egging them on, her cheeks turning redder as she downed another shot. ‘ _Stop it!_ ’

“Lucien? Hey, we can leave.” Amanda tugged on the back of his shirt and tried to turn to go, but paused as Lucien turned to openly face the table that was driving him slowly insane. He didn’t even know what he was doing anymore, his feet moving faster than his brain. His short temper had gained temporary control over his brain and he couldn’t reason, not with Robert all over Damien like that. His father was clearly uncomfortable.

‘ _He’s mine!_ ’ Lucien’s mind buzzed with every obscenity towards the scruffy older man as he neglected his girlfriend across the room. When he had finally approached the table he stared down angrily at Robert, his fist clenched where it couldn’t be seen. “Hey, he’s uncomfortable with that, leave him alone.”

“Lucien…” Damien could sense the tension that crept into their space and he knew that Lucien was about to do something very, very stupid. “Where is Amanda?”

“I said you’re bothering him.” Lucien ignored his father and stared at Robert who seemed more than confused.

“I think Damien can speak for himself. He’s a big boy.” Robert curled his arm around Damien’s neck and pulled him close as he chuckled. It looked more like a sleeper hold than a proper hug in the man’s drunken state. Mary had leaned back with her glass raised to her lips as if she were settling in for a show. 

“It’s obvious he doesn’t like it. He’s too shy to speak up for himself, so seriously. Leave him alone.” Amanda had come up behind Lucien as he continued to push and waved awkwardly to the three occupying the table. Damien’s eyes were devoid of his usual happiness when he turned to greet her. He remained silent and chose to look anywhere but at the two teenagers that stood before them. He usually greeted Amanda like family and treated her with utmost kindness, but for some reason he could only feel apathy when he watched her curl her arms around Lucien. He wasn’t angry or sad, or disappointed. He felt nothing. 

“What is your problem, kid? You just pissy because I messed with you the other day?”

“I’m pissy because you’re upsetting my dad.” Lucien caught sight of a full double shot glass and smiled deviously.

“Lucien, please. I can handle myself quite well. Robert is only meaning to jest with-” Damien gasped as brown liquid splashed in Robert’s face, the shot glass having been dropped to the table afterward. Amanda joined Damien in unison as her hands came up to cover her mouth.

“Why did you do that?!” She glanced around the bar to see that, thankfully, no one had been paying attention. The last thing they needed was for a fight to happen and then they would all be thrown out, which would be a first. Lucien was still smiling dangerously.

“He looked like he needed another drink.” 

“You little shit!” Robert glared at the teenager and rose from his chair before Mary pushed him back down. She looked to Damien who had sunk back and was pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. 

“Look, I love you Dames, but you need to control your kid.” She then turned to Lucien. “I don’t know what your problem is, but you should take your shitty attitude somewhere else. Don’t ruin our night and don’t embarrass your girlfriend.”

“Oh shit, Amanda.” Lucien suddenly remembered that she was there and turned to see her watching him with fear in her eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get so pissed, it’s just…” He paused. ‘ _It’s just that I can’t stand seeing someone else all over my dad._ ’ “It’s just that someone has to stick up for my dad if he won’t stick up for himself.”

“Lucien.” Damien’s voice broke darkly over the lot of them, his eyes glassy from the alcohol but his irritation obvious. “We need to speak. Amanda, would you mind heading home so I may talk with my son in private?”

“I’ll go with her.” Mary spoke up and left Robert’s side, but not before reassuring him she’d be back. “I’ll just be a few, dude.”

“I hope you’re happy, punk.” Robert relaxed back in his seat once more, the fire in him gone. “You just ruined everyone’s evening.”

“It’s not ruined, stop being dramatic!” Mary gestured for Amanda to follow her. “I’ll be right back and then we can throw rocks at stop signs or something, okay? You big baby.”

“I’ll hold you to that, Mary.” Robert finally disengaged fully and Damien stood to exit the scene. Lucien followed him without question as they left the bar into the night that had grown much cooler. The teenager had forgotten to bring a hoodie and felt goosebumps forming on his arms as he looked up at the night sky. The moon was almost completely visible and the sounds of crickets were deafening in the summer night air; it was much more serene than the chaos that he had started. No, that Robert had started. 

“You’ve gone too far this time, Lucien. I will not allow you to act in such a way, especially in public among our friends.” 

“He was all over you. Don’t tell me you liked having that drunk weirdo pawing at you.”

“That’s not the point. You need to control your temper, especially around Amanda. Do you want everyone to find out about what’s going through your mind?” Damien’s voice was rising to a level that Lucien had never experienced before. The man was actually angry and drunk enough to be careless with his words. Lucien had wanted to see him lose his temper at least once, but he was finding that it didn’t feel as good as he’d wanted it to. This was a different kind of anger. It was the kind that left regretful words hanging in the air and hurt feelings that left marks too deep to heal so easily. 

“Wait, what’s going through my mind? You make it sound one-sided when it totally isn’t.” 

“Don’t put words in my mouth-”

“You let me do these things to you because you like it!” Lucien stopped where they had walked up a back alley. Damien turned to look back at his son, who was just as angry as he had been before. “We’ve been over this too many times. You pretend like you want to push me away, but then you get all hot and wet when I kiss you.” 

“Don’t say such things out loud. You don’t know who may be listening.” Damien tried to curb his emotions, but he found himself approaching Lucien to silence him somehow. The teenager was being defiant and out of control and with the way things had become between them, Damien had lost any and all edge when it came to parenting. That didn’t matter anymore. Anything that he would try to say that would have worked in the past would no longer even matter to Lucien. As it were, they were equals now in a way that canceled out any right that Damien had to be a father to Lucien. 

Lucien’s heart leaped into his throat as he was pushed against the alley wall, Damien’s lips pressing against his hard to cease any further conversation. His hands came up into his father’s long black hair, gripping at the strands as he kissed him back with just as much emotion. A moan left Lucien’s lips as Damien bit his bottom lip before diving back in for more, the taste of alcohol invading the younger’s senses. 

Lucien felt his eyes roll back as his father’s mouth trailed down his jaw and clamped onto his neck, sucking at the sensitive skin while his long pale fingers explored up and under Lucien’s t-shirt. The teenager’s eyes drifted shut and he felt his jeans grow tight, his body becoming hot regardless of the cool night air. He had only ever fantasized about Damien attacking him like that, which had led to one too many unfulfilled nights and messy sheets. Now that it was actually happening, he felt like he was just going to come in his jeans from the reality alone.

He sighed heavily as Damien paused and came back up to rest his hand on the side of Lucien’s face. It was then that emotion welled up within Lucien once again and he felt tears threatening to surface. It was all just so difficult. He was juggling too much and he just wanted things to be simple for once. He had to say something before he ended up letting all of this eat him alive. “I love you so much.”

“I was under the impression that you loved Amanda.” Damien was breathless as his free hand caressed Lucien’s side beneath his shirt. 

“I don’t love her as much as I love you. When I saw Robert tonight I just lost my shit. I didn’t want him to touch you.”

“But you cannot act in such a way in front of others. And what of Amanda? How do you think she feels after tonight?” Damien’s head dipped back down to nibble at Lucien's neck, the teenager finding further methods of communication difficult. 

“Oh god.” Lucien rolled his hips into the ones pressing against him. He tried to form words but only managed to make embarrassing noises as his father's hands continued their journey beneath his shirt. “I want you. Just you.” He rested his hands at Damien’s hips as fingers teased at the hem of his skinny jeans. “Please.”

“You must promise me you won’t do this again.” Damien’s fingers teased around the silver button before pulling the black jeans open. His son tensed in anticipation as he rocked his hips again, his cock already leaking and begging for release. 

“I promise just - please… touch me.” Their lips met once more as Damien freed the younger from the confines of his tight jeans and wrapped his hand around Lucien’s cock. The teenager became sloppy with his kisses as an expert hand worked him to his limit, his release crawling up much too soon. He held it off for as long as he was able before spilling into Damien’s hand. He mumbled between their kisses, his cries muffled by the nightlife that had picked up in volume. “ _Daddy!_ Yes!” 

“You must be quiet, Lucien.” Damien smiled against his son’s lips as he kissed him once more and reclaimed his hand. There was no doubt that the alcohol has possessed him to go to such lengths, but he knew that it was something inevitable. It was true that he didn’t try to push Lucien away as much as he should. He feared that he was just as messed up inside as his son. “We would not want anyone to hear us.”

“When we get home I want to touch you.” Lucien eyed his father with need burning behind his eyes. “Only I’m allowed to touch you.”

“Possessiveness isn’t a healthy practice.” Damien smiled. “I can assure you, however, that I did not desire Robert’s advances. You need not worry.”

“I didn’t think you were into scruffy drunk guys anyway.” The teenager chuckled as he fixed himself. He then noticed a sore spot on his neck where his hand came up to rub it. “Shit, you sure you aren’t a vampire?”

“Quite.” Damien chuckled. “Perhaps I got too carried away. It would be best to keep that covered.”

“Either way I’m returning the favor. That way when people see it, they’ll know you belong to someone else.” Lucien fell into pace beside his father as they left the alley and continued home. He was happier that night than he had been in a long time and he finally felt at peace. He knew what he wanted and Damien wanted it too, which was a pleasant surprise. They could exist in their own little world with their dirty secret while everyone was none the wiser. He just had one last thing to clear up before his mind could be cleared completely.


End file.
